In the Way of Sesame Street

In case you haven't realized this little fact, it is December. In fact, we are more than half way through December. For many of you, this little fact brings to mind that Christmas is just around the corner. As for myself, yes, this is a thought which is on my mind. Especially when I think about how different Christmas will be for me this year, being still out on PRIME and away from my family. But the thought that is really sitting on my mind when I think about the date is that my time here is so quickly running down. I have now entered into my final month here in Dundee.

It's weird for me to think about this little fact. I have really settled into my role here, living in Dundee and being capable of taking care of myself. Soon, though, my life will once more shifting. I will be packing up and preparing to enter back into the world of the U.S. This is a bit of an intimidating thought. I've been gone for a whole month. Lives have moved on since I was last there, as has mine. I've encountered situations and issues beyond what I had experienced previously. And I've grown from these encounters. I'm not the same as when I first set foot in Dundee. And life back home won't be the same either.

Life doesn't seem to like to stay stagnant for very long. Upon my return, I'm heading back to school. Then, in five months or so, I'll be entering into a whole new chapter of my life. This little thing called graduation is quickly approaching. After that, I will no longer have school in the fall to look forward to. With this in mind, I find myself quite intimidated by what is to come. It's like a big fog which my vision can't penetrate.

See, my life seems to have taken on the method of Sesame Street. Remember how each episode would be brought to you by a specific number and letter? They were the theme for the whole episode, being brought up at every possible moment by the characters until it was ingrained in your small impressionable mind. Well, I feel that my life has taken on a similar style of learning. Instead of a letter or number, I seem to have a word. And this word is: change.

Everywhere I look, I see change taking place. My thoughts, my opinions, my experiences, my relationships, my plans, my hopes, my dreams... most everything seems to keep getting touched by change. And with this change comes growth. Every experience works to better create me into the man that I need to be. Thing is... I have a hard time of seeing that end destination. I have no clue where God is taking me or what He's preparing me for. I kind of feel like I'm just along for the ride. And my jerk reaction is to get uptight, fearful and try to take back control. But, when I actually take time to think, I realize that's the worst thing I could be doing. God is in control. He's guided me this far and He's placed me in locations where I have learned so much and have developed beyond what I thought possible. Yeah, things have been painful at times. Yeah, sometimes life does suck. But, when it all boils down, each thing which has come my way has simply been the next step forward for me.

With this in mind, I have but one choice. I need to let go and lay all that I have; all my hopes, dreams, desires, anxiety, fears, at His feet. When I let go and trust Him, putting my faith in the promise that He will continue to guide me along through my life, I can find peace. And I can face that mysterious unknown hovering up ahead. I don't know what is in store. I can hope, but I don't know. I simply have to wait on Him and pursue with all my strength the roles He places before me.

who do you say i am?

In my ponderings these past few days, I have had this specific passage sticking out in my mind. It’s Mark 8:27-30, where Jesus is walking with the disciples and He begins to question them. He looks to them and asks, “Who do the people say that I am?” The disciples all then begin to pitch in names, calling off the top answers they’ve heard from all of the different people they’ve met on their journey. Oh, some say you’re one of the old greats, come back to us. You’re one of the prophets, here to help bring us back on track. And then, I just picture Him nodding His head, pausing... and then looking directly at them and saying, “But who do you say that I am?” And then there’s a long pause. The disciples suddenly find themselves rolling around in their minds all of these different names and roles they’ve attributed to Jesus. And they are stumped. Who is this man before them? And then, nervously, Peter speaks up and says, “You are the Christ.”

Right now I find myself facing this same question. Over the few short years and experiences which create the story of my life, I have encountered many different descriptions and roles of this man named Jesus. It seems that in these many centuries since He walked the earth, Jesus has had many different people try to say who He is. The list seems to go on and on. Savior. Redeemer. Lover. Friend. Unifier. Divider. Willful Giver. Jealous Keeper. A Middle-Eastern Man from Nazareth. A Man Who Goes Beyond Culture. Simple. Complex. Peace and Tranquility. Disturber of the Peace. Gentle Father. Harsh Judge. Rule Maker. Rule Breaker. Friend of the Poor. The list, I’ve found, goes on and on. I find I can easily answer His first question. Every generation has seemed to come up with an explanation of who He is.

But I find myself in that same position with the second question. He’s looked me directly in the eyes and has asked, “But who do you say that I am?” And I find myself at a loss of words. Who do I say He is……………..

I want to call off all of these different roles and adjectives which I feel describe Him. But, as they appear on my lips, I find these words somewhat inadequate. I feel like I’m… boxing Him up. I’m forcing Jesus into the role that I’ve allotted for Him. But is that who I want to say He is? For some reason, it just seems so…. insignificant. He is so much more than what I think. He’s more than my Savior. He’s more than Lord. He’s more than peace, love, justice, disturber of the peace or even a man from Nazareth. I’m finding the only appropriate response I can think of is the same as Peter.

He is the Christ.

I don’t fully grasp this. I doubt during the short story which is my existence I will ever fully grasp the significance to this statement. There’s so much to it. But what I have learned, and what I hope to share with you, is that I need to throw off my preconceptions of who He is. I cannot allow Him to become weighed down and defined by the different definitions conjured up by someone else. Like Peter, I need to allow God to be the one to reveal who His Son truly is. I need to let God shatter my boxes and instead let Him show me who He is.

The question’s been asked. “But who do you say that I am?”

Stars

During this time of year, it becomes a very traditional past time to spend time with those you love. These people can be your family, friends, significant others. The point is, this is a time when you connect with them and share that binding love which you share. You may have not seen them for the past few months, but as the weather begins to get colder and the sunlight a bit less each day, there's this sense in the air that the holidays are coming. No matter where your stance is about this time of the year, it is hard to deny the fact that there are distinct feelings which arise from the depths of our hearts, much like the proverbial Christmas lights from the depths of the attic.

One of the things which has struck me, though, is how I am not going to have that this year. It's quite hard to saunter on over to see my family or friends when there is a sizable puddle to jump in the process. And that is when it really sinks in. I'm far away, disconnected from that which I have grown up with and called home. At times, I feel like all of those things which I have grown to take as the norm are a world away. I'm simply far removed and disconnected. This is especially true with Thanksgiving past and Christmas to come. These holidays, which are times of gathering to see family, are going to be spent quite different than normal for me.

Yet, on a nice brisk evening walk I took tonight, I discovered something. Yes, I am in a different world, if you will. I'm almost half a world away from the fields of Indiana. I'm in a culture that is different from my previous experiences. There are so many new and wonderful things for me to experience and learn. And I am learning that home is not so far away.
Looking up into the clear, black sky, I saw these twinkling lights off in the distance. We see them regularly throughout our lives, shining away throughout the night. They have become such a commonplace thing that many times they can be overlooked. But I realized something. As I looked up, gazing at the stars in the sky, I began to pick out the constellations that I knew. And it dawned on me... these are the exact same stars that I saw back home. And for most of you, as you step outside at night and gaze upward, you will see those same twinkling lights. And that's a comforting thought. Yes, we may seem worlds apart. This holiday season, you may be finding yourself in the same circumstances as myself, spending it away from that which you see as normal. Yet, we really are not that far apart. And every place we find ourselves journeying through is just another extent of our family. God has made us each unique, each creating our own piece of music through our traditions and cultures. When they come together, though, a great symphony can be heard.

So, I realized, on my nice peaceful walk home tonight, that home, just like the stars, can be seen everywhere. No matter our circumstances or life conditions right now, home is where you make it. Feel encouraged, knowing that when you are thought of and missed, then you are there in that place in spirit. And when you start to feel alone in this world, take time to gaze up at those stars shining all around and realize, we are all within a mile of home.

Entering the Final Lap

Well, all... first off I apologize for the delay between writings. I seemed to have gotten a bit distracted as of late and haven't taken the time to sit down and write. Oops.

Things here are proceeding very nicely. It's been really amazing to see how the relationships I've been working at have grown and developed into what they are now. I now feel that the young people are open to me and willing to talk, which is really amazing. Looking ahead, I'm going to be really sad to go and leave these relationships.

Which kind of brings up the thing which has been on my heart as of late. It has really set in that I have reached my two months left here. My time right now in Dundee is drawing to a close. And this time will be going so fast. I have the rest of November, the first few weeks in December and then some time for the holidays will arrive. During that time, my family will be coming for a visit. Yes, that is right... Waterman family reunion here in Scotland. But right after they leave I will have to start preparing myself to leave. And that seems to create a rather odd mix of feelings in myself. I am very much so missing home, but I am also sad to see my time here draw to a close. With that, my mind has already started to wander down the path of preparing to head home and what all that will entail. Although there is some planning which will need done, I still cannot allow myself to dwell there. I must remain fully and completely immersed in what I am doing here.

I suppose this is a lesson in what it means to make sacrifices. Yes, I would love to be home, with my family and my friends right now. But that is not possible. And I need to accept that. For the time being I am here. And I am seeing amazing things taking place in my time here. I have had so many different lessons over these past few months. I've had numerous relationships built up. I have seen so many amazing things in my time here. And I still have 2 months left. That is incredibly exciting for me. There is still so much potential for what can happen here. So, I suppose my lesson at this time is not to dwell on what I am missing. Instead, I need to focus on what it is I am getting to experience. That's the big difference in how I feel, huh? God has placed me here for the time being. I can only continue to give myself over to Him and let Him lead as He wills. Soon enough I will be home again. For the time being, though, I will be making my home here in Dundee.

Step Up and Step Out

Man, as I sit here I realize that things sure are flying by swiftly. If feels just like yesterday that I was starting October. Now here I am getting ready to finish the month off. But it's been a good month. Things have been going well at Hot Chocolate. I'm really starting to mesh in with the young people there. This past weekend we had the Weekend Away, where we went up north into the absolutely stunning countryside of Scotland and spent some time with some of the young people. It was a really really good weekend where a lot of growth and relationship building seemed to take place. Now I am back in good ole D-town.

The past few weeks have been filled with much growth in my own personal character. I've had a chance to really stand back at myself and look at who I am. And I've really come to pick up on a trait that I feel like needed some work. This attribute was confidence. Having taken the time to look at myself, I've come to realize that I am not the most confident of people. I allow myself to give in and let things pass because I don't want to damage a relationship or risk confrontation. I know... not the best way to handle things, but it was something that I found to exist in myself.

Realizing this, I have worked to grow my level of confidence in myself and my abilities. And I've come to learn something. Confidence is a key component in leadership. How can people have faith in and follow you if you can't even have faith in yourself? Granted some of us are leaders right now, while others find themselves in less prominent positions of leaderships. This might cause some of you to think, "Good idea, but it's not something I need to hear or develop." But my challenge to you is to grow as I am growing. Confidence goes beyond just positions of leadership. We need to have faith in ourselves. Even when we preform the most rudimentary tasks, we need to have confidence in our own abilities. Having this confidence can make all the difference between standing up and living life to the full and sitting by and letting the world pass you by.

Christ has called us to life. I believe this life includes stepping out and really living it, experiencing all the wonder and beauty He has placed around us. I don't mean to be coming across here as "go out and live life to the full... eat, drink and be merry" type of way. What I mean to say is we have been called to life. Unless we are confident in ourselves, we will end up sitting back and letting life pass us by simply because we don't have the confidence in ourselves to step out and live. We must be willing to tread the path less traveled. We must be confident that no matter if we fail or soar, we will strike out and try new things. We must be willing to sacrifice that thing called pride in order to meet those in need around us. These are lessons that I am most assuredly still learning. But as I learn and grow in my confidence, I am learning that it does indeed lead to a much more fulfilling life. So, try it out for yourself. Fear not in failure or awkwardness. As I've learned from a girl I work with, if you don't overcome your fears and just do it, then you're going to look back and regret it for the rest of your life.

So, step out my friends. Encounter the world. And be confident in yourself. I believe in you.

The Simple Pleasures...

So, I've come to realize something recently. Life can be really complicated. There can be so much junk going on that your mind just gets clogged, your energy is zapped and life just seems to keep trudging on at an even pace. Mind you, I haven't yet reached the stage of trudging through life, but I will admit that things have been giving me lots to think about. This past week has been crazy with stuff happening, both at Hot Chocolate and just personally. And I realized something. I've allowed that spark of joy inside of me to fade just a wee bit. And if that spark completely goes out, well... I guess I'm just trudging along through life then, eh?

How did I come to realize this? Well, it's odd, but I'd have to say I didn't realize it was gone until I had it back. And how did I find my joy again? Well, it's kinda weird, but it fits me I suppose. It's been rediscovered through the joy of simple things. I find that many times I make life so stinkin complicated. I just start to think way too much about things, and thus start to worry and become cynical. And please, don't get me wrong, thinking and processing thoughts is great and necessary. That's not what I'm saying. My problem was I have been starting to tense up and worry about my performance here. And that was leading to just worrying about stuff all the time.

But this past Monday reminded me... it's good to forget about that stress and worry and simply remember the things that make you smile. And a lot of those smiles came through thinking of the simple childhood like things. Things that strip away the walls and barriers I've set up and just cut straight to that innocent core inside. I realized that many times I don't want to let my guard down because someone might see who I really am. What if they think I'm incapable of whatever or they think I'm weird? But, then I realized... the most fun in life seems to come when I let go of all of that and enjoy the simple, little joys of life. Such as singing to myself. Or imagining I'm a Jedi with automatic doors. It's a small reminder that life is good... and it should be enjoyed. I know, it's not profound or anything. But I find it's true. Those little joys are a great refresher to an otherwise overbearing world.

So, I challenge you now as I challenge myself. Don't worry about what others will think. Don't keep those barriers in place so that the kid inside will never get out. Instead, enjoy your life. Build a tent fort. Hum the theme to Winnie the Pooh. As you walk, imagine what it would be like if everyone was a Jedi and carried a lightsaber. Think about what you would do if you could have a pet dinosaur. I don't care. Just enjoy the simple things of life. I find at least for myself that's what makes life so fulfilling.

A Prayer of a Ben

Sacrifice. That seems to be Your word for the day. i have grown up hearing about sacrifice. "Give all that you have over to God. When you do, you will find joy and happiness. Life will be so much better." Well, i'm facing sacrifice in different areas of my life, and i'm finding myself wondering what good could come from giving all. Cause it sure hurts to let go. Especially when You seem to pick those things which mean so much. You have such a great habit of choosing that which i hold so dear.

i feel that i've let go of so much for You. i've abandoned myself to follow You and let You guide my life. i've put my trust in You and walked by faith, looking to you for provision. i've left home and family due to Your guiding. and now i'm facing even more sacrifice because of Your calling. And i just want to yell out, "Why!?" Why do You ask for so much? Why are You so persistent in chasing down everything i grow attached to and asking for it?

But then, i calm down and seek for Your peace. And i hear that still small whisper of Yours. After i've thrown my fists and did my shouting, You then speak up. You say You know the pain. You say You know how hard this can be. But then You ask that i just continue to trust You, and to continue to give myself over to You. You're in control, You know what You're doing. And You won't abandon me. No matter what, You remain. i mean, shoot, once all is given up, You're the only thing left, aren't You? And maybe that's what i need right now. Just to find myself in Your presence. i've forgotten You, and now need to find You once more.

So speak, Lord God. Speak, Father, into my current circumstances. Be my guiding light and let Your Spirit be my guide. Teach me, mold me and leave me changed. You gave Your all for me. Now i need to be willing to do the same. So i sacrifice myself once more, throwing myself down at Your feet. Let Your will be done once more.

i love You.

Looking to Jesus

So, tonight I had a learning moment happen which I just wanted to share with you all. After work today, I was going along my normal routine of heading out of the Steeple and walking home. I had my hood up so as to attempt to stay dry as the nice steady rains of Scotland streamed down onto the ground. On my way, though, I passed someone sitting along the side of a store front. Upon looking to her, I realized it was one of the girls from Hot Chocolate. I had talked to her recently, so I thought I'd strike up a wee bit of conversation with her.

Now, please note this was after a full day of working and actually having a group session with some... harder guys. So, I was pretty tired at this point of time. But I stopped anyway and started talking to this girl. She told me that she was waiting on some of her mates to show up, but they were late. After a second of thinking, I realized I didn't have anything better to do so I offered to sit with her and wait. So, I pulled up some pavement and took a seat with her. And we just got to talk. And we talked about a lot of things; ranging from comedians to places in America that she wanted to visit. It was generally a really good chat. Throughout it some other friends of hers showed up and chatted for a bit while smoking a cig for a wee bit. And later on some other people from the Steeple stopped by and joined us for a bit. But I just sat there, in the cold while it the rain and smell of nicotine floated around us, for about an hour. And it was great.

Please don't think I'm just trying to toot my own horn here. I'm not. But this little event led to some great thinking as I left for home. While sitting there talking, I was able to watch people walk by us. And to the rest of the crowd, we seemed to mean nothing. We were a group of young people sitting around. Some just didn't pay us any mind. Others purposefully ignored us. No matter the reaction, one thing was certain. We had gained a stereotype. We were youth. Out for a good time. Most likely we shouldn't be trusted, or at least paid attention to. But sitting there, just chatting with them, I realized I was doing the exact thing Jesus would be doing.

He sought to break the social norms of the current culture. Many of the religious leaders of the time didn't want anything to do with those "heathens", "sinners" and "unclean" people. They were comfortable to stay where they had always been. Yet Christ fought this. He went to the need. He talked to those that society passed over or didn't trust. He entered into their world and met them on the same level. He did life with them. Sitting there on the pavement, it just hit me. I'm sitting here hanging with some of the people that the current culture (and especially the church) would view as rebellious and troublesome. And I was happy and at peace with them. I was doing the exact same act that my Lord would be doing. Just sharing life and love through action.

Like I said, this was just a really cool little revelation I had. Nothing big. And please don't think I'm trying to pump myself up. It was a really cool thought and experience that I had. I just wanted to share it with you all. And to challenge you as I challenge myself. Don't look at the social tags being put on people. Instead, look past that outer facade and look to the person inside the cultural stereotype. It's then that we can start seeing everyone as Christ sees them.

Peace.

Terror on the Trains

I feel a nice orange color is in order here. Sorry all for my lack of blogging recently. It seems I feel behind a wee bit. Things are starting to get nice and busy here. Things are really picking up here at Hot Chocolate. The youth work side of things is getting nice and active, which makes me happy. In fact, last week I had my first 1-on-1 session, which is really really exciting. A 1-on-1 is just like it sounds. I spend end up meeting with one of the young people and chatting with them, covering some possible specifics and just checking up with their lives. And I have another one tomorrow! I'm excited. And things are looking great here. I've got a couple of groups with some lads starting up soon and hopefully more 1-on-1's. So yeah. I'm pretty active right now.

Beyond that, things are going swell. I actually just got back from a really good weekend away. Every year there is a big Christian festival called Greenbelt which takes place on a race track. There's a lot of speakers, music gigs, and other art-type things which take place. And I got the opportunity to go this year! It was so exciting. And really good/ challenging. There were a lot of really good speakers there that I got to hear. And really challenging. I didn't necessarily agree with everything said, but it was really great to hear new opinions and new views on my faith. To give you a better understanding, many of the people I got to hear might be counted as part of the emerging church or labeled as more liberal in their thinking. And I have to admit, at first I had a hard time getting past the label. Once I did get past my pre-established views and allowed myself to openly hear what they had to say, I really started to appreciate what was said. Yes, I may not agree fully with them, but I still can learn, grow and think about what they have to say. I'd love to share some of it with you, but at this point I'm still processing a lot of it. Maybe if you ask me, I can share with you directly and try and work out what I'm thinking with you. That's always fun.

But the festival itself wasn't the only learning point in my trip. I also had a great learning experience on non-other than the great form of public transportation here commonly called the train. You see, it seems that I don't fully understand how trains work here. I seem to keep always having problems. I missed my first train on the way down. On it's way, it got detoured due to vandalism. Someone apparently took off with some train cables. Props to them for getting them by the by... And on the way back I had the same type of journey. I was all set to go. I got to the bus stop with plenty of time to spare to get to the station. And I happily sat and waited. And waited. And waited. Then, I found out that Monday was a holiday here and the buses didn't come to that stop. Good to know. But, in my frantic searching for a way to the station, a kind soul found me and offered me a ride. So, I jumped in with the guy and took off to the station. And then we got lost on the way. It seems neither of us knew where the station was. In the end, I did miss my train. Again. But I was able to train hop all the way back up to Dundee. What I learned, though, is that I need to become more flexible in how I approach things. I so easily fall into keeping with my set plans that if anything messes with them, I get bent out of shape. At first I was pretty stressed out. But once I missed my train and started thinking of things, I realized something. I was really getting stressed over nothing. Sure, I missed my train. For the second time. But the world wasn't ending. I would make it back to Dundee. And I can have myself a little adventure. And that is something that I think God is trying to get out of my system. I need to learn to be willing to have my schedule interrupted. Yeah, planning is good. But once it dominates how I operate, I'm sunk. I need to be willing to let go of my preconceived ideas and just let things go as they will.

So yeah. That was my big weekend. Lots of new thoughts. And lots of thinking I still have yet to do. And I'm looking forward to the next few weeks. Lots of great youth worky things happening. And I get to take a small holiday at the end of September. It seems that I have been presented by my girlfriend (who is currently in Northern Ireland) with a chance to go with her and a few other friends on a small holiday. They came across some really cheap plane tickets, so we jumped on the chance and are now heading out at the end of the month to none other than....drumroll please..... Paris! Yep, Paris. I'm pretty excited for that. What a great opportunity to do while I'm here. So yeah... excitement for that.

Beyond all that, things are going great. Keep praying all for the continued youth work here at Hot Chocolate. Things are great, but prayer is always good. And keep praying for me. I don't have much of an update on things. Keep praying for my involvement with the youth, especially meaningful times during my 1-on-1's. And also, for continued finances. Things like the festival and Paris do cost money, but God keeps providing funds from the most amazing places for these things. So keep praying that His provision will continue and that all will be provided for.

Anywho, that's me in a nutshell. Hope all is well with you. Drop me a line if you feel like it. I love hearing from everyone back home. It's nice staying posted on what's happening elsewhere. For now, I head off to relax for a wee bit before heading to bed. I'm completely knackered (extremely tired).

Peace all and much love!

Some Tea and Blogging...

Sorry for the long space in between blogs there. Things have been rather hectic for me. I ended up moving into my flat for the rest of the time here last Monday and getting settled in to my role with Hot Chocolate this week. Also, I had a healing occur... namely, my lappy was brought back from the edge of death. He seemed to catch a wee bit of a virus that was making it impossible to do any work. But, he's been cleaned as now back to full working order. And I was off today, so I decided that I should use this time to do a few things (or lack there of). I was able to relax, though, and just enjoy my day. And I even managed to cook myself some dinner tonight. I was proud of myself, at least. And now, this evening, I thought I should take care of some of the things on my to-do list. Thus, I got a nice cup of tea and am now ready to do a new blog post, just as I promised.

Things here have been going great. As I said, I've moved into a new flat. This is the one I will be staying in for the remainder of my time here in Scotland. It's a pretty nice flat. Spacious, I've got my own room, and it's really close to the Steeple, so I don't have a long walk to get to work each day. And my new flatmate, Ian, seems like a pretty great guy. He's easy going and seems like an easy guy to get along with. So that's encouraging.

Since I didn't really report anything about Exodus, I feel I should give a brief account of that. Exodus went really really well. I got to talk to a lot of young people during those 3 weeks and I've started building some relationships with different people and it's especially good that I'm continuing on for the next few months. I'll get to see these relationships grow over that time, which is an awesome thought. There were a lot of younger and newer peeps coming in, especially over Exodus. So, it's been fun to get to know them. They kinda just assume I've been there awhile, since I'm on the team. So, that's always fun. I'm not the guy coming in on their turf. We are both coming in on equal ground. But I have had some pretty good talks with different individuals, learning about their backgrounds and their current life situation. And just some random stuff. I've had a lot of pool games happening (as in billiards, not swimming pool...) and I even had a guy take the time to try and teach me to properly play football (soccer). After 12 years of playing, I still have a lot to learn, apparently...

Also, over Exodus, I made some pretty good friends out of the flatmates I had. I will admit, I was pretty sad to see us go our separate ways. But, it's all good. One of them is volunteering once a week with H.C. Another is coming back in September and working through December. And I actually get to see the final guy at the end of the month. Which brings up another subject. I get to go to a big Christian festival at the end of the month for about 4 days. I'm heading about 7 hours south and camping out at a racing track and spending the days going to different speaking sessions, music gigs, and a whole bunch of things. It is sounding pretty spectacular. And it sounds like all four of the flatmates from Exodus will be there... hopefully. So it will be reunite-fest 99! I'm pretty stoked for it, at least. And that's what counts, right?

As for here in Dundee, this week was good in that I've gained a wee bit of an idea of what I will be doing over the next 5 months. Of course, I will be working the open sessions each week. An open session is basically like it sounds. We open up the Steeple and the young people can stop by and get some tea/ coffee, use the music room, chat, or just relax. These are on Tuesday and Wednesday night and Saturday afternoon. We have also just taken on a new group of student volunteers, which consists of some of the young people who are taking on a bit more responsibility and helping with the sessions. The plan right now is that I will be involved with some smaller group stuff with some of these guys and some one-on-one sessions with them. That at least is the basic idea of what I will be doing. And of course, whatever else needs done I will be doing.

One of the main things I have learning right now is just how faithful God is when He says He will take care of and provide for you. As many of you know, this whole trip has been one step of faith after another, and the result has been things falling into place so nicely. And this week has continued to be just like that. One such example is with my homesickness. I haven't really had much of it since I've been here. At least I haven't had a complete breakdown where I completely miss home. But there are times where I can feel the pangs of missing home. This week really has been when those pangs have started up. And I think that's just because of a combination of factors. One, the flatmates that I had become rather close to over Exodus were all leaving to go home. That basic foundation of relationship and friendship was changed on me. And I realized this week, during some looking at the dates, that people are beginning to head back to HU now. But this year, I won't be there for all the fun activities and moving in and what not. So that caused a moment of sadness. But every time this moment of sadness wants to creep in, God steps up and encourages me in ways I don't even expect. It's either having someone who, out of the blue, asks me to lunch or is willing to hang out for the night or talks of getting together in the future to hang out. Every time that happens, God just steps in and subtly reminds me that yes, this is where I'm to be at this point of time and that He is taking care of me. And that is comforting. Another story along these same lines... I spent some time looking at my budgeting for my time here, just to see where I'm at. I will admit, I left home with less than I was hoping to have, so I was a little worried about what I would find. After doing some math work and taking into account the rent I will be paying, I was amazed to find that I almost have enough, even with being below my original estimates. And it was just amazing to look at that and see how God has and continues to provide. In the most amazing and unexpected ways, He seems to bring in just enough to get me through. So, again, I just praise Him for how faithful He has remained. And it encourages me for the future. I honestly have to admit that right now my future is a pretty blank slate. I don't have too much of an idea where I'll end up and what I'll be doing, be it a year in advance or even a week in advance. Shoot, most of my days start off with me not fully sure what the day will bring. But that's the wonder I'm finding in living and working here. It has truly taught me to rely on Him and to just trust that He will continue to place me directly where He wants me. It for sure can be a whirlwind of a ride. It's kinda like being in a heavy snow shower... you can't see but a few feet in front of you. But I just keep walking along the path laid out before me, trusting that He will continue to guide each of my steps. I just have to stretch out my leg, one step at a time.

Anywho, I suppose that's enough from me for now. I hope that catches you up with what's going on here in my life. It's been a great past month (man, a month already...) and I'm excited to see what the next few months will bring.

Some things to pray for:
-living with Ian, that we continue to get along and that we don't get on each others nerves after a month or something
-continued development of relationships here, both with the young people and with others in just a social sense
-along with that, that any homesickness and loneliness is just pushed aside
-the work at the Steeple, that lives continue to be impacted
-finances for me, God has been providing wondrously and that He continues to bring in the money for where and when I need it

Much love from Scotland, all!

Cheers

Freedom of Dependancy

Well, things seem to be going well here in Dundee. Exodus is going swimmingly, even though our plans are regularly struck down by the circumstances we find ourselves in. But that is the nature of the ministry, I suppose. But things are going great. I am getting used to the city, which is nice. I am feeling like I know my way around and get from one place to another. This probably means I'll be getting dropped in the middle of some place I haven't been yet and I'll have to find my way home again. For now, though, I am good.

Exodus, though, is going good. I have met lots of people and am slowly building relationships with them. I am still feeling wishing for more meaningful conversations, though. But, they will come. I am still getting used to this place. I mean, shoot, I have only been here for 2 1/2 weeks. I'm still adjusting. I am also told that there are many new faces being seen at the Steeple (where Hot Chocolate is located). This of course means these groups are bit more closed off to talking with volunteers. But it is exciting to have them there and to begin seeing them regularly.

Oh man.... I think I'll share this with you. Tonight has been a pleasant night. As I do some writing/ journaling, I have some great tunes playing. Things such as Josh Garrels, Iron and Wine, The Weepies, Over the Rhine and even Kyle Scott (friend of Beth's). It has been a good thing.

I feel that I am beginning to get a bit of insight into myself with the ministry happening here. I suppose that's a good thing, since that's one of the points of prime... But I am beginning to see how independent I have become. I feel like I haven't been really connecting with the young people, so I've been getting frustrated with my efforts. And that's when it hit me, like a 2x4 right between the eyes. It has been my efforts. I have been the one trying to connect and strike up conversations. Yet, especially in the nature of this relationship based ministry, I cannot do this myself. I need to let God be the one in complete control of all that I do. I need to learn to become even more flexible and attuned to the Spirit. His guiding will be what creates the connections here, not the efforts in my own strength. I need to become more dependent on He who is stronger.

Now, the thing is, this is easier said than done. There's a lot that needs to get worked out of my system. I like to be in control of myself. But I can't do that here. I need to be reliant on those around me and even more so with Him. So there's my kinda work-in-progress with myself. But seeing growth and being able to work towards it now is good. And it's encouraging because I am working in a place of hope and change. Yes, there is a great hardness in the people we work with. But there is also a great hope to be found and change is constantly happening. I just need to remember that I too need to be changing and growing. It does seem like by choosing to become dependent I will be giving away my freedom. But, I'm learning that independence may not always be the best thing. True freedom can be found when I have made myself dependent on God. And that is a freedom worth striving for.

For now, some prayer requests from me are:

-Exodus. things are going great. pray that they continue.
-continued growth and a willingness to change on my part.
-housing. i'm meeting my two possible flatmates this coming weekend. pray for wisdom and clarity on which place will be best for me.
-finances.

Much love, all.
Cheers!

Down to Business...

So, I realize that my last post color was a little rough. The red just made it seem angry. So, I'm trying out the purple. Maybe that will make things seem calmer.

Well, I've finished my first week here in Dundee. And it's been a good week. I've gotten to know a bit of my way around both the city and Hot Chocolate. I feel that I'm slowly starting to find my place, and I'm getting know some of the people here. Which is good. I've moved out of my original living arrangements. Now I'm in a flat with 3 other people. We are volunteers for the upcoming event, Exodus. So, for the next 3 weeks we will be living and working with each other. So far things are pretty good. I'm enjoying getting to know and hang out with these peeps. So there's a big blessing from God.

I don't know if I've actually mentioned Exodus before... or at least properly described it. Exodus is Hot Chocolate's major summer event. It lasts for 3 weeks and is basically and intensive time of working with and building relationships with the young people. My day runs from about 10 am to 10 pm. During the day, we have the church open for the young people to hang out in and use the facilities. We also have some major projects going on, such as art projects, lessons from people on how to do art, music writing, video editing and even dj-ing. And there are periodically trips that we take students out on, such as go-karting, bowling, laser tag, watersports, and other such things. Overall it is just a really really fun time. I'm excited for it, but I'm going to be so stinkin tired every day.

Even in the midst of this coming exhaustion, I am excited to see what God has in store. So far He has been so good to me, putting me in this place and with these amazing people. I'm already learning a lot from them and I look forward to the future lessons I will be getting. I've learned a lot on how to carry out ministry with young people, especially those that have been hurt by society and cast aside as hopeless. Yet, God has not cast them aside. He still values them and He seeks to have that relationship with them. It's astounds me to look at these young people, some of the roughest people you can think of, and think of the potential that each of them possesses. They just need someone to build that relationship with them and to show them the love of Christ. And I get the joy and privilege of doing that very thing for the next 6 months.

Another thing I've recently learned is how much I need to get out of my ethnocentric bubble. In the States, I must admit that I always considered the U.S. as being the world leaders for youth ministry (and many other things) and coming up with ideas. But I've had that idea greatly challenged, even though its only been a week. After talking with some of the people here, I've come to realize that the States are a bit behind in terms of culture. Europe and the UK are very much a post-modern, post-Christiandom culture (especially the youth that we work with specifically) Because of this, different approaches to ministry must be taken. Back home, the youth have not gotten quite as bad as they are here, but they are starting down this path and will become much like the youth here. This has been the pattern throughout history. It's how the cultures travel and exchange with each other. So, it's been great to learn here ideas and practices which can be used in ministry in the States... or where ever I might find myself. I realize that I have touched on a lot things in this little section, much of wish can be dug into deeper. And I would love to, but sadly now is not the time. It's after midnight, I'm a bit tired, not sure exactly what I am saying and I have to get up tomorrow to start Exodus. But yeah, hopefully as time goes on I will have some better and more mature thoughts to share. I am growing and maturing through all this, as I should be.

Things are getting busy for me. But it's a good busy. I'm excited to see what all God has in store over the next 3 weeks. I'll hopefully be able to blog again at some point... maybe on one of my days off. And thanks again for all your support, my friends. If you would remember to continue to pray for me with housing, that would be great. I think things have finally gotten worked out. I might even have some options. But price is still a bit of an issue and I don't have a lot of money to go around. So pray for the right place to come forward and for provision to continue to happen. And pray for Exodus. That students' lives will be touched, that change and growth will happen, and that the team (including myself) will have the energy to keep up with all the young people coming in.

Cheers and Blessings All!!!

diving in

Well, I have officially been here a day, and I must admit my entry day was pretty intense. I did get to sleep in a wee bit, so that was pleasant. This afternoon, though, I got to head down to the Steeple, which is where Hot Chocolate is located, and work this afternoon. Well, I guess I wouldn't really say work... more like get an introduction to what I've gotten myself into. But this has all been quite a quick intro for me. Today, I walked to the Steeple... by myself! That was quite an adventure. I got to take myself on a tour of Dundee and see what it looks like during my 20 minute walk. Overall, the people seem pretty nice here. And I've been told it's pretty relatively safe, so that should comfort anyone who might be a wee concerned. I will say my highlight of the journey was finding a tattoo shop that sold "American" tattooes. I'm not sure what the difference between an American tattoo and everyone else's is, but this shop has it. It was even called Yankee Tattooes. Pretty sweet. Maybe I should stop in and a get a big American eagle holding a flag across my back....... Or not.

Anywho, Hot Chocolate is looking to be pretty sweet. It's a very laid back sort of place and very interested in getting to know the students as who they are. And there's no pressure to beat them up and chastise them and force them to make changes. It's more of a building of relationship with them, and through that bringing change to their lives. For example, after a session (opening up of the facility for the day) the team meets and discusses what types of conversations we had, were there any problems, and what changes we have seen in people. I suppose I should describe a session for you all. What it is, as far as I know, is the facility is opened up for 12-21 year olds in the city. They can simply drop by any time they want. As they enter, there's a table where they can get a cup of hot chocolate made for them (thus the name). They can then head upstairs, where there is a room for chilling. It has tables, chairs, couches, phooseball, pool and guitars available for use. There's also a music room that they can use, but that's closed at the moment. But the kids end up gathering around and we can go in and talk with them and hang out. I must admit, I'm getting pretty excited for working here. The people and ministry seem great.

Today was a wee bit rough for me in that I didn't know anyone. They were all fine with me being there, but I'm not a part of their circle yet. They don't know me, so I wasn't really addressed all that much. But that's ok. I wasn't that talkative either. I did a lot of listening and trying to learn about stuff and the people. But over time I hope to get in a really engage the kids and become integrated into their circle. Fortunately, Exodus is starting soon. It's a 3 week period where we have sessions, lessons, art projects, music, hanging out, and trips taking place. It should be intense, but it sounds like it should be grand and hopefully I'll get to know a few peeps through it.

As for my living situation, I'm currently staying in the living room of one of the workers. It's only for a week though. I'm then moving in with some other volunteers for Exodus and staying with them during those 3 weeks. After that, there's a hope that I can move in with a guy in his flat. As of right now, though, it's only about a 90% sure thing. We aren't sure if he's really going to be in the flat. But if he does, I hear the rent should be cheaper than most places. So, that's encouraging. I'm praying that it works out.

So yeah... That's my life right now. I go to church tomorrow, which is exciting. And then Monday, my day off, I'm meeting up with Andy (one of the workers here) and he's taking me on a tour of the area. So, that should be exciting. I'm excited to see some of the area. I think I'm going to have to suck up my pride and look like a tourist for a bit so I can carry my camera around and get some pictures. This place looks pretty sweet. I mean, right next door is a high school for the city, and it, by description of the people I'm living with, looks like Hogwarts. That should makes sense to some of you... But it does look like an old castle type building. And it's their school! I wish I could have gone to school in a castle. That should be the next dorm style at Huntington... old English castle. I'm just sayin... And finally Tuesday, I dive full in to work here. Should be exciting.

Well, I realize this got a bit long for you, but I wanted to share. If you read this far, congrats to you. Thanks again all for your support and prayers! And please keep them coming. I covet them greatly. God is definitely moving here, and it's exciting to see. For now, I shall finish off with some prayer requests on my part.

-relationships to start and develop with the students (this is a... rougher... crowd than I'm use to, but it's good to be plucked out of my comfort zone. I just need God to help me connect into their world and to be able to speak into it.)
-housing, this flat thing in a month sounds great, but continue to pray that God places me right where I need to be
-finances, things are a bit more expensive here, so pray that God continues to be the provider of all my finacial needs

Thanks so much all for your love and support!

Cheers and Blessings!

Really?

As I've sat and pondered about life this week, something has dawned on me recently. I am really going to Scotland. I'm really going to Scotland. It just hit me this past week that this is real. I'm going to be flying out in a week from now and spending 7 months in Scotland. And as this thought enters my wee little head, another quickly follows it up. What the heck have I gotten myself into?

Looking ahead, the only thing I can see is a murky fog. (Sorry, I just watched Pirates of the Caribbean tonight, so if you get a lot of sailing analogies, that's why.) But I honestly do feel like I'm setting sail into a fog. I've started to put some thought into what I will be doing with my life here soon, and the only answer I'm coming up with is that I don't know. I have no idea what it is that I'm going to be doing, who I will be working with or even what the place I'm setting foot in is like. OK, that sounds bleak. And it's not that bad. I do have names and I have a general idea of what it is I will be working on. But, honestly, there are a lot of unknowns. I don't know any of the people I will be working with. I don't know where I'm living once I get there. (Doesn't bother me too much. It sounds like I have a short-term place to stay and that we'll be looking for something more once I get there.) I don't know any specifics with what my day-to-day activities will look like. And there's the culture of students I will be working with. I've come to learn that the type of students I will be interacting with at Hot Chocolate are... not what I am used to in my everyday life. Many are in to music and skateboarding, among other areas. Sadly, these areas of interest are not exactly ones I have a great deal of experience in. I want to be able to connect with them, but my knee-jerk response is that I won't be able to. I don't know these areas of interest. When I boil a lot of these thoughts down, it comes out to one short phrase: I simply don't know. And this has started to get me a slight bit anxious with a week to go before I head out.

Yet, as I take pause to process all of these uncertainties, another conclusion is reached. I am going to be going into the midst of complete discomfort for me. I'm stepping out of what is normal and comfortable and.... known to me and instead stepping into the unknown. I don't see what I'm stepping on to, but I do know what I'm stepping out on: faith. This whole process has been a big exercise in faith for me. I've had to completely trust God throughout the whole thing. And He has brought it all together. Looking at that, I can't help but acknowledge that He has something in store for me over there in the midst of all these unknowns. He's bringing me there for a reason. I just have to keep stepping forward. I'll be the first to admit that this is not going to be pleasant at times. But then, growth isn't always the most comfortable thing to experience. I'll just have to take it in stride. I'll never clear the fog if I don't sail off into it.

So, with these things in mind, I humbly ask that you continue to lift me up in your prayers as I head out. To give you an idea, here's some specifics that are on my mind.
- Safety in travels. I leave on July 9th, and I have a lot of stops on the way over. Pray for safety on all of these and that I have no problems making all of the connections.

-Relationships: fellow workers. I'm going to be working with these people for the next 7 months. Pray that I can get along great with them and make some solid connections with these people. So far they have been really supportive and excited for me to come. Pray that I remain open, instant connections are made and I am able to mesh right in and work hard alongside the other workers.

-Relationships: students. I also ask that you lift up my relationships with the students. One of my bigger worries is how the connections with these students will go. I'm going to be the outsider... in many different ways. Pray that these barriers are cast down and that I will be able to connect with the youth in incredible ways. Along with that, pray that I will be outgoing and willing to connect with them. When in unfamiliar settings, I like to hang back instead of applying myself. Pray that I can overcome this characteristic.

-Housing. I don't know where I'm living. I'd prefer somewhere besides a cardboard box. Those get drafty. Pray that I can find a long-term place to call home and that it's not very expensive. That is my biggest estimated cost. If I can get in with someone or have a very low cost place to stay, that would be a big blessing for me.

-Along with that, finances. I have had responses from people for support for this trip, and I am incredibly grateful for what people have sacrificed for me. I still though have a decent amount of money I'd like to have for the trip. So far God has provided in this area, as in all the other areas. Pray that He continues this trend and that the resources I need present themselves.

-Finally, pray for God to move in Scotland. Pray that the Holy Spirit can be unleashed in the lives of the students and that they can come to know Him more. And include me with this. I so desire to be used by Him during this time. I want to hear His voice and go where He guides me. Pray that I will continue to remain open to what He has in store, no matter how uncomfortable and stretching it is.

So, that's that. I'm heading out in a week. That is a very insane thought. But it is also exciting. I look forward to seeing how God grows me in the coming months. Thank you all again for your support and prayers. I leave you with a small picture I drew to celebrate my upcoming travels. That, and Josh kept telling me I needed to put artwork on this blog. So, I hope you enjoy it.

Blessings and Cheers all!

Here I Come, Baby!

So, I just got the news tonight (at 12:45 am) as I did one final check of my email before heading to bed. And the verdict is in! I finally have a visa for Scotland! I've been approved to go and do my PRIME there!!!! Oh man, I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight...I'm floating on cloud 9 right now I'm so excited. It's great to have this finally over with. It's been such a headache these past few months, trying to get the right paper work sorted out...encountering delays, finding out I have all new forms to fill out. But, the visa has finally been issued! It's all over and now I am clear to head to Scotland on July 9th!

Looking back at this whole process, it's just amazing to see how God has been working through it. For the longest time I thought I would be going to Japan. Well, at the end of first semester, that kinda fell through due to certain circumstances. And then I couldn't really find anything. Then, through my profs, Hot Chocolate came up. They were interested in it and we proceeded. I wasn't sure what I was doing or how it would all work out. Sometimes, I'll admit, I didn't see how it would work out. But, things kept falling into place. They, in Scotland, were great with getting things done for me. The timing issues ended up getting worked out so that I was here to help with our strawberry patch, I can be in a wedding and see my sister before I leave. And I'm loving what it sounds like I'll be doing when I get there. All this to say that God definitely gets all the honor on this one. My plans didn't work out nearly as well as this has. He has been so faithful through all of this. And I thank all of you for your diligent prayers through this whole process.

Now that this part is done, it is time for me to move on to my next step. Time to start preparing to leave. It's weird to think that I'm leaving in about 2 weeks now. Crazy! And I'll be there until January. Even more craziness. With that said, I continue to ask for your prayers. Now it's a whole new ballgame. Pray that I can relate with and connect to the people there, both who I will be working alongside and with the students I'm working with. Also, pray for housing. I don't know where I'm staying yet. (As of right now, I don't care since I can finally say I'm going.) There was mention of staying with a workers friend in his flat, which would be so nice. So, pray that the right housing comes into play. And pray for finances. That is ever an issue on my mind for this trip. It will be expensive. But it will be worth it all.

Well, that's about all I have to report for now. I'm just so stinkin excited about all of this! Too bad I didn't check my email earlier or I could have had this out earlier. Oh well. Again, thank you all for your support and I look forward to continuing to share my journey with you all.

Peace

Sprinting to a Standstill

Well, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good news. I finally heard back from Scotland about the whole license/ sponsorship thing. I've finally been approved! YAY!!!!! That means I can finally start my visa application!

Now for the bad news. It seems that the UK has done maintenance on the required online visa application and I currently can't access it to start my visa...Bah. Little steps at a time. Simply little steps at a time. But, things continue to work out so far. I mean, this whole process with finding out and preparing to go to Scotland has just continued to fall into perfect place for things to work out. Originally I would have been heading out the beginning of June, but now that I'm leaving in July, I can help with the strawberry picking here at home and I'll be here for my friend's wedding! So, that's pretty sweet. And things just continue to come together. So, I am not depressed yet. I still have hope and am remaining faithful. I will wait for what's coming, although I am getting somewhat antsy sitting and waiting.

As for right now, I'm currently looking at simply staying busy. This goal is easily being accomplished. I have been spending hours out in the garden helping dad keep that in order by doing some picking and weeding. I have literally had my hands stained red by the picking of strawberries. Such a good thing. But that's keeping me busy and will hopefully help bring in some much needed dollars for Scotland. So, that's my summer right now.

Besides that, I'm just continuing to pray and hope the visa stuff gets worked out. If you get the sudden desire, would you join in lifting this whole thing up? It can get a bit stressful/ discouraging when I'm left to simply think about it by myself. Thanks all. And hopefully I'll have a fully encouraging post here soon!

There is a War

I've finally made it home from school and this has led to a large amount of free time now being presented to me. In this free time, I have found myself realizing some truths around me. Today was one such day. As I set contemplating the world around me, I was hit with a sudden revelation. The world we now find ourselves in is in a state of war. I have begun to find myself attacked from all directions. These attacks happen at all times of the day. It doesn't matter what I'm doing. The assailants swoop in to attack me out of the blue. They search for my weaknesses and are relentless when it comes to trying to wear me down. I try to deal with them and gain victory, but I just don't seem to be able to make any ground in this battle. I kill off one and five more appear. The world we once knew no longer exists. Our homes....our very lives have been invaded. We will never be the same because of this. Who is this new-found enemy you may ask. This "new" enemy is actually an old one which has been around for many generations.

This enemy is.......the housefly.

Yes, the housefly. It seems that this age old enemy of the house has come back with vengeance. As I sit here in the house, enjoying a nice peaceful moment to relax, I suddenly find myself the target for multiple kamikaze flies. Mind you, these are not your normal little houseflies. These guys are like 747's of the insect world. They are so stinkin huge!!! They almost knock off my head when the fly in. I try to take them out, but they just keep coming back. For every one I kill, 5 more step forward to take their fallen comrade's place. I think I killed about 10 at one time today. They were just buzzing around the window, bouncing off the screen in a vain attempt to achieve their freedom. But they were no match for my quick hand and fly-sweatter. They could not handle me....the samari of swatting. But, it still doesn't matter. They keep coming back!

So, I put out a plea to all of you...my readers. Join me in fighting this dangerous enemy. They will soon take over all of our houses unless we strike first. We must fight for our freedom!!! Rise up, fellow home dwellers! Defend that which is ours!!!! In case you haven't noticed, already my days are becoming slow...see what happens when school let's out.

Looking at Finality

It's that time of year again. The semester is drawing to a close and I'm beginning to once more wrap up the different areas in my life. I've finished off this semester of classes and all I have left to do is finals. Well, I guess I should say it correctly. All I have left is a final. It's a beautiful thing only having to worry about one test this time around. It sure makes it easy on my stress level. But, life usually takes this type of spin around this time of year. This current chapter of the book that is my life draws to a close and I begin to turn the page to the next.

Yet, life has decided not to quite treat me the same. As I look for some closure and wrapping up in my life, I'm finding it full of loose ends and uncertainty. Yes, the school year draws to a close. That is one thing which is for certain. But, there are some things which I just have no control over and I'm stuck simply holding on for dear life.

The primary example of this in my life is PRIME. I still haven't heard back from Scotland yet about the sponsorship license. They are to be getting that any time now. And I kinda need that to start in on my visa application. And I need time for that so I can make my departure time. Talk about just sitting around and waiting... I feel like that's all I've been able to do for the past 6 weeks or so. It gets frustrating having to wait and being unable to do nothing. Yet, I am keeping up my faith. So far things have come together miraculously. Because of that, I just have to trust that He will bring it all together. With that in mind, I shall simply wait. And continue to wait until I see Him provide the next step.

Another thing I am watching slowly flow away from me is this time of my life. These past few years of college have been amazing. I have truly grown during this time of my life. I've been able to make amazing friends, make special relationships with people and come to critically look at myself and the thoughts which are presented to me. To be honest, I have not always been the most critical thinker around. Shoot, I was probably on the other spectrum when it came to things like that. But, through the classes, profs and relationships I have had, I have learned what it means to think about my life. This has certainly worked to open my mind up to growth, maturity and wisdom. I still have a long way to go, but looking at the steps I've taken down the path of life, I'm at peace with where I am going.

To sum up my current standing in life right now, I am encouraged with where I am at. Sure, I don't know what's going on all the time. Sure, at times I feel completely out of control. Sure, I don't have a clue what tomorrow will be flopping on my plate. But, I am okay with that. I've reached a point where I don't need to know. What I do know is that things are great. I've been learning and growing so much in my life. I've got amazing friends surrounding me. This past semester has seen restoration and renewal in a specific relationship of mine, which brings me great joy to have seen happen. And I am encouraged by what little I can see in my future. Shoot, going to Scotland should get most people happy with life. They have kilts there, you know.... With all of these things in my mind to encourage me, I think I can continue to trek on with my life. And who knows....maybe I too will find a kilt along the path I tread... you never know.........

Coming to an end....or is that a beginning?

Life always seems to be taking on a new turn of events for me. I feel that once I start to get comfortable in one place, I end up getting moved right on to the next place in my life. Take for example my current situation. I'm approaching the end of my junior year of college. Can this really be almost the end of my junior year? It seems like I only just arrived here at school. And now I'm looking ahead...thinking of the end which inevitably seems to be approaching. Man, this thought is like hitting myself upside the head with a 2X4. It's a painful thought. All the friends, the good times I've had here, the lessons I've learned.... This chapter of my life is coming to a close.

Yet, through this I see a light. Things are being brought about that are exciting for me to watch. Even in midst of these sad thoughts, I'm finding joy. First of all, this summer will start my internship for school, called PRIME. This will consist of a spending around 7 months away from home and working in a ministry like what I hope to be working with once I graduate. God has definitely worked in miraculous ways for this. For while I didn't know where I might end up. But, through the opening of doors, I have the opportunity to go to Scotland to work at an organization there. Of course, it wouldn't be my life unless there was some anxiety with this. I've got some visa issues which need to pass through the government processes. As long as they work out okay, though, I should be good to go. Which makes me extremely excited. I'll get to work with the age group that I want to... youth. I really want to work with youth when I graduate, particularly junior high to high school. This age group is such a great age to work with. They are so teachable and ready to learn. I know that was the age where I was impacted and directed on the path to become the man I am today. I'm excited to engage others at this stage too...working to draw out the potential within each of them. All this to say, I'm excited for the coming opportunity with PRIME.

Along with the outcome with PRIME, things in my life have been encouraging recently. It has been a great year with meeting people and growing closer to some. The relationships I have with people around me have been a blessing in my life. Some of the relationships have been new, meeting them through the floor and other such networks. Others have been restored and renewed from the past. Those restored by grace and forgiveness have been great to encounter, too. These small blessings work to continue to remind me of God's hand in my life, and how He continues to show His love to an undeserving blockhead like myself.

Life is good. Although I sometimes become discouraged by different events and situations, I always seem to be reminded by those around me of just how good life is. On that note, I think it is good to call it a night.