Some Refining...

A characteristic of mine has recently come to the forefront of my attention. In general interaction with people, be they strangers or those I know, I have noticed this attribute coming out more than I would like. You see, I have begun to notice just how selfish I really am. It's been rather disturbing to see how much my selfishness influences my interactions with people and even my decision making. This realization has left a bitter taste in my mouth.

I know, every person has some form of selfishness in them. It's a part of the Fall. Yet, I don't like how much of an influence this nature seems to possess in my life. As I head in to town and interact with people, it has amazed me how many times I have become irritated by people who aren't acting in a way that I would like. When situations don't go exactly like I have planned, I find myself getting bent out of shape. I keep unconsciously and consciously placing myself at the center of the universe, thinking that everyone should know what I am thinking and want and thus bend to my will.

I keep forgetting that each person I meet, each person I come across has their own life, their own plans, their own hopes, their own stories... There is so much that is happening in their lives, so much that I cannot even imagine which is just below the surface. Their interactions with me barely scratches the surface with what is going on underneath. And when I think about how I have acted, denouncing their stories as irrelevant to my own passing whims...

I don't want to be like this, thinking only about satisfying my desires and wants. Lord, open my eyes to those around me. Teach me how to contain and discipline myself. Teach me want it truly means to humbly submit my will to Yours. Teach me what it means to truly love like You do. Teach me how to see beyond myself. May my eyes be turned outward.

And for you, if you're reading this, I want to apologize. I don't know if you've simply stumbled on this or if you are a friend of mine, but I want to apologize to you. I want to apologize for allowing my selfishness, my self-serving attitude, to influence how I have acted. It has caused me to wrap up inside of my own wants and desires and miss what is truly important. It has caused me to miss and celebrate what God is doing in those around me. It has stifled the pouring forth of joy from my heart and has replaced it with bitterness. So, no matter what our relationship may be, be it a passing moment or an every day occurrence, I apologize. Now it is time to move on, purging this from myself through through the assistance of God alone. His love shall teach me and carry me forward.

Peace, my friends.