The 2 X 4 of Life Cometh

Here, on the eve of departure, reality is suddenly kicking in. As Dad would put it, I feel like I'm being hit in the head by a 2 x 4. The reality is that tomorrow I leave for Arizona, where I'll be starting in with my new job and new life. This simply leaves me stunned. It's crazy that I have come to this point. It still feels quite unreal with the whole thing. Am I really leaving the fields of Indiana and heading out there? Won't I continue to wake up and follow my routine here at home? What am I talking about, leaving home and moving out there? I'm not really doing that, am I?

Yet, the truth of the matter is I am. This new chapter of my life is preparing to unfold. And I am having some major mixed emotions about the whole thing. First of all, there is a good deal of sadness and grief. For the new to take place, the old must change. In a way, it must be left behind. I don't really like this term because I consider my family as a part of this current life. To say it must pass away makes me feel like I will never see them again. That being the case, I think I'll settle for using the term "change". My relationship with them, and with others, will still exist. But a major change it what these relationships look like is about to occur. So, there is some sadness. Seeing these things change and become a part of my past is hard. But come it must.

On the flip side, there is a lot of excitement with this move. Here is a new and exciting step in my life. I'm going to get to go meet new people and engage in new things. There are new sights to see, new experiences to be had, new relationships to develop. This next chapter in my life is going to be another moment growth and change. And I'm excited for it. I've seen how God has brought these things together so perfectly. In the midst of one of the lowest times in my life, what with low self-esteem, some depression issues and a severe lack of seeing God's love for me, I stand amazed at how He moved and brought all of these things together in His timing. As I look ahead in life, I still have no idea what is in store for me. Honestly, I have next to no clue at all what exactly my role with Grand Canyon will consist of. What I do know is that, much like Scotland, God is bringing me there for a reason. And, going of a good friend's advice from tonight, I need to make myself present where I am at. I don't need to worry about the past, future or even what else is going on at the time. I am where I am for a reason, and I need to strive to thrive as best as I can with what I'm doing.

So, I look ahead to my departure tomorrow, unsure of what lies in store for me. There's a lot of uncertainty ahead (like 99% of what my life will entail). What I do know is that my next chapter is unfolding in front of me. It's time to step forward to my next adventure.

Blessings, my friends.