Man, as I sit here I realize that things sure are flying by swiftly. If feels just like yesterday that I was starting October. Now here I am getting ready to finish the month off. But it's been a good month. Things have been going well at Hot Chocolate. I'm really starting to mesh in with the young people there. This past weekend we had the Weekend Away, where we went up north into the absolutely stunning countryside of Scotland and spent some time with some of the young people. It was a really really good weekend where a lot of growth and relationship building seemed to take place. Now I am back in good ole D-town.
The past few weeks have been filled with much growth in my own personal character. I've had a chance to really stand back at myself and look at who I am. And I've really come to pick up on a trait that I feel like needed some work. This attribute was confidence. Having taken the time to look at myself, I've come to realize that I am not the most confident of people. I allow myself to give in and let things pass because I don't want to damage a relationship or risk confrontation. I know... not the best way to handle things, but it was something that I found to exist in myself.
Realizing this, I have worked to grow my level of confidence in myself and my abilities. And I've come to learn something. Confidence is a key component in leadership. How can people have faith in and follow you if you can't even have faith in yourself? Granted some of us are leaders right now, while others find themselves in less prominent positions of leaderships. This might cause some of you to think, "Good idea, but it's not something I need to hear or develop." But my challenge to you is to grow as I am growing. Confidence goes beyond just positions of leadership. We need to have faith in ourselves. Even when we preform the most rudimentary tasks, we need to have confidence in our own abilities. Having this confidence can make all the difference between standing up and living life to the full and sitting by and letting the world pass you by.
Christ has called us to life. I believe this life includes stepping out and really living it, experiencing all the wonder and beauty He has placed around us. I don't mean to be coming across here as "go out and live life to the full... eat, drink and be merry" type of way. What I mean to say is we have been called to life. Unless we are confident in ourselves, we will end up sitting back and letting life pass us by simply because we don't have the confidence in ourselves to step out and live. We must be willing to tread the path less traveled. We must be confident that no matter if we fail or soar, we will strike out and try new things. We must be willing to sacrifice that thing called pride in order to meet those in need around us. These are lessons that I am most assuredly still learning. But as I learn and grow in my confidence, I am learning that it does indeed lead to a much more fulfilling life. So, try it out for yourself. Fear not in failure or awkwardness. As I've learned from a girl I work with, if you don't overcome your fears and just do it, then you're going to look back and regret it for the rest of your life.
So, step out my friends. Encounter the world. And be confident in yourself. I believe in you.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
The Simple Pleasures...
So, I've come to realize something recently. Life can be really complicated. There can be so much junk going on that your mind just gets clogged, your energy is zapped and life just seems to keep trudging on at an even pace. Mind you, I haven't yet reached the stage of trudging through life, but I will admit that things have been giving me lots to think about. This past week has been crazy with stuff happening, both at Hot Chocolate and just personally. And I realized something. I've allowed that spark of joy inside of me to fade just a wee bit. And if that spark completely goes out, well... I guess I'm just trudging along through life then, eh?
How did I come to realize this? Well, it's odd, but I'd have to say I didn't realize it was gone until I had it back. And how did I find my joy again? Well, it's kinda weird, but it fits me I suppose. It's been rediscovered through the joy of simple things. I find that many times I make life so stinkin complicated. I just start to think way too much about things, and thus start to worry and become cynical. And please, don't get me wrong, thinking and processing thoughts is great and necessary. That's not what I'm saying. My problem was I have been starting to tense up and worry about my performance here. And that was leading to just worrying about stuff all the time.
But this past Monday reminded me... it's good to forget about that stress and worry and simply remember the things that make you smile. And a lot of those smiles came through thinking of the simple childhood like things. Things that strip away the walls and barriers I've set up and just cut straight to that innocent core inside. I realized that many times I don't want to let my guard down because someone might see who I really am. What if they think I'm incapable of whatever or they think I'm weird? But, then I realized... the most fun in life seems to come when I let go of all of that and enjoy the simple, little joys of life. Such as singing to myself. Or imagining I'm a Jedi with automatic doors. It's a small reminder that life is good... and it should be enjoyed. I know, it's not profound or anything. But I find it's true. Those little joys are a great refresher to an otherwise overbearing world.
So, I challenge you now as I challenge myself. Don't worry about what others will think. Don't keep those barriers in place so that the kid inside will never get out. Instead, enjoy your life. Build a tent fort. Hum the theme to Winnie the Pooh. As you walk, imagine what it would be like if everyone was a Jedi and carried a lightsaber. Think about what you would do if you could have a pet dinosaur. I don't care. Just enjoy the simple things of life. I find at least for myself that's what makes life so fulfilling.
How did I come to realize this? Well, it's odd, but I'd have to say I didn't realize it was gone until I had it back. And how did I find my joy again? Well, it's kinda weird, but it fits me I suppose. It's been rediscovered through the joy of simple things. I find that many times I make life so stinkin complicated. I just start to think way too much about things, and thus start to worry and become cynical. And please, don't get me wrong, thinking and processing thoughts is great and necessary. That's not what I'm saying. My problem was I have been starting to tense up and worry about my performance here. And that was leading to just worrying about stuff all the time.
But this past Monday reminded me... it's good to forget about that stress and worry and simply remember the things that make you smile. And a lot of those smiles came through thinking of the simple childhood like things. Things that strip away the walls and barriers I've set up and just cut straight to that innocent core inside. I realized that many times I don't want to let my guard down because someone might see who I really am. What if they think I'm incapable of whatever or they think I'm weird? But, then I realized... the most fun in life seems to come when I let go of all of that and enjoy the simple, little joys of life. Such as singing to myself. Or imagining I'm a Jedi with automatic doors. It's a small reminder that life is good... and it should be enjoyed. I know, it's not profound or anything. But I find it's true. Those little joys are a great refresher to an otherwise overbearing world.
So, I challenge you now as I challenge myself. Don't worry about what others will think. Don't keep those barriers in place so that the kid inside will never get out. Instead, enjoy your life. Build a tent fort. Hum the theme to Winnie the Pooh. As you walk, imagine what it would be like if everyone was a Jedi and carried a lightsaber. Think about what you would do if you could have a pet dinosaur. I don't care. Just enjoy the simple things of life. I find at least for myself that's what makes life so fulfilling.
Friday, September 25, 2009
A Prayer of a Ben
Sacrifice. That seems to be Your word for the day. i have grown up hearing about sacrifice. "Give all that you have over to God. When you do, you will find joy and happiness. Life will be so much better." Well, i'm facing sacrifice in different areas of my life, and i'm finding myself wondering what good could come from giving all. Cause it sure hurts to let go. Especially when You seem to pick those things which mean so much. You have such a great habit of choosing that which i hold so dear.
i feel that i've let go of so much for You. i've abandoned myself to follow You and let You guide my life. i've put my trust in You and walked by faith, looking to you for provision. i've left home and family due to Your guiding. and now i'm facing even more sacrifice because of Your calling. And i just want to yell out, "Why!?" Why do You ask for so much? Why are You so persistent in chasing down everything i grow attached to and asking for it?
But then, i calm down and seek for Your peace. And i hear that still small whisper of Yours. After i've thrown my fists and did my shouting, You then speak up. You say You know the pain. You say You know how hard this can be. But then You ask that i just continue to trust You, and to continue to give myself over to You. You're in control, You know what You're doing. And You won't abandon me. No matter what, You remain. i mean, shoot, once all is given up, You're the only thing left, aren't You? And maybe that's what i need right now. Just to find myself in Your presence. i've forgotten You, and now need to find You once more.
So speak, Lord God. Speak, Father, into my current circumstances. Be my guiding light and let Your Spirit be my guide. Teach me, mold me and leave me changed. You gave Your all for me. Now i need to be willing to do the same. So i sacrifice myself once more, throwing myself down at Your feet. Let Your will be done once more.
i love You.
i feel that i've let go of so much for You. i've abandoned myself to follow You and let You guide my life. i've put my trust in You and walked by faith, looking to you for provision. i've left home and family due to Your guiding. and now i'm facing even more sacrifice because of Your calling. And i just want to yell out, "Why!?" Why do You ask for so much? Why are You so persistent in chasing down everything i grow attached to and asking for it?
But then, i calm down and seek for Your peace. And i hear that still small whisper of Yours. After i've thrown my fists and did my shouting, You then speak up. You say You know the pain. You say You know how hard this can be. But then You ask that i just continue to trust You, and to continue to give myself over to You. You're in control, You know what You're doing. And You won't abandon me. No matter what, You remain. i mean, shoot, once all is given up, You're the only thing left, aren't You? And maybe that's what i need right now. Just to find myself in Your presence. i've forgotten You, and now need to find You once more.
So speak, Lord God. Speak, Father, into my current circumstances. Be my guiding light and let Your Spirit be my guide. Teach me, mold me and leave me changed. You gave Your all for me. Now i need to be willing to do the same. So i sacrifice myself once more, throwing myself down at Your feet. Let Your will be done once more.
i love You.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Looking to Jesus
So, tonight I had a learning moment happen which I just wanted to share with you all. After work today, I was going along my normal routine of heading out of the Steeple and walking home. I had my hood up so as to attempt to stay dry as the nice steady rains of Scotland streamed down onto the ground. On my way, though, I passed someone sitting along the side of a store front. Upon looking to her, I realized it was one of the girls from Hot Chocolate. I had talked to her recently, so I thought I'd strike up a wee bit of conversation with her.
Now, please note this was after a full day of working and actually having a group session with some... harder guys. So, I was pretty tired at this point of time. But I stopped anyway and started talking to this girl. She told me that she was waiting on some of her mates to show up, but they were late. After a second of thinking, I realized I didn't have anything better to do so I offered to sit with her and wait. So, I pulled up some pavement and took a seat with her. And we just got to talk. And we talked about a lot of things; ranging from comedians to places in America that she wanted to visit. It was generally a really good chat. Throughout it some other friends of hers showed up and chatted for a bit while smoking a cig for a wee bit. And later on some other people from the Steeple stopped by and joined us for a bit. But I just sat there, in the cold while it the rain and smell of nicotine floated around us, for about an hour. And it was great.
Please don't think I'm just trying to toot my own horn here. I'm not. But this little event led to some great thinking as I left for home. While sitting there talking, I was able to watch people walk by us. And to the rest of the crowd, we seemed to mean nothing. We were a group of young people sitting around. Some just didn't pay us any mind. Others purposefully ignored us. No matter the reaction, one thing was certain. We had gained a stereotype. We were youth. Out for a good time. Most likely we shouldn't be trusted, or at least paid attention to. But sitting there, just chatting with them, I realized I was doing the exact thing Jesus would be doing.
He sought to break the social norms of the current culture. Many of the religious leaders of the time didn't want anything to do with those "heathens", "sinners" and "unclean" people. They were comfortable to stay where they had always been. Yet Christ fought this. He went to the need. He talked to those that society passed over or didn't trust. He entered into their world and met them on the same level. He did life with them. Sitting there on the pavement, it just hit me. I'm sitting here hanging with some of the people that the current culture (and especially the church) would view as rebellious and troublesome. And I was happy and at peace with them. I was doing the exact same act that my Lord would be doing. Just sharing life and love through action.
Like I said, this was just a really cool little revelation I had. Nothing big. And please don't think I'm trying to pump myself up. It was a really cool thought and experience that I had. I just wanted to share it with you all. And to challenge you as I challenge myself. Don't look at the social tags being put on people. Instead, look past that outer facade and look to the person inside the cultural stereotype. It's then that we can start seeing everyone as Christ sees them.
Peace.
Now, please note this was after a full day of working and actually having a group session with some... harder guys. So, I was pretty tired at this point of time. But I stopped anyway and started talking to this girl. She told me that she was waiting on some of her mates to show up, but they were late. After a second of thinking, I realized I didn't have anything better to do so I offered to sit with her and wait. So, I pulled up some pavement and took a seat with her. And we just got to talk. And we talked about a lot of things; ranging from comedians to places in America that she wanted to visit. It was generally a really good chat. Throughout it some other friends of hers showed up and chatted for a bit while smoking a cig for a wee bit. And later on some other people from the Steeple stopped by and joined us for a bit. But I just sat there, in the cold while it the rain and smell of nicotine floated around us, for about an hour. And it was great.
Please don't think I'm just trying to toot my own horn here. I'm not. But this little event led to some great thinking as I left for home. While sitting there talking, I was able to watch people walk by us. And to the rest of the crowd, we seemed to mean nothing. We were a group of young people sitting around. Some just didn't pay us any mind. Others purposefully ignored us. No matter the reaction, one thing was certain. We had gained a stereotype. We were youth. Out for a good time. Most likely we shouldn't be trusted, or at least paid attention to. But sitting there, just chatting with them, I realized I was doing the exact thing Jesus would be doing.
He sought to break the social norms of the current culture. Many of the religious leaders of the time didn't want anything to do with those "heathens", "sinners" and "unclean" people. They were comfortable to stay where they had always been. Yet Christ fought this. He went to the need. He talked to those that society passed over or didn't trust. He entered into their world and met them on the same level. He did life with them. Sitting there on the pavement, it just hit me. I'm sitting here hanging with some of the people that the current culture (and especially the church) would view as rebellious and troublesome. And I was happy and at peace with them. I was doing the exact same act that my Lord would be doing. Just sharing life and love through action.
Like I said, this was just a really cool little revelation I had. Nothing big. And please don't think I'm trying to pump myself up. It was a really cool thought and experience that I had. I just wanted to share it with you all. And to challenge you as I challenge myself. Don't look at the social tags being put on people. Instead, look past that outer facade and look to the person inside the cultural stereotype. It's then that we can start seeing everyone as Christ sees them.
Peace.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Terror on the Trains
I feel a nice orange color is in order here. Sorry all for my lack of blogging recently. It seems I feel behind a wee bit. Things are starting to get nice and busy here. Things are really picking up here at Hot Chocolate. The youth work side of things is getting nice and active, which makes me happy. In fact, last week I had my first 1-on-1 session, which is really really exciting. A 1-on-1 is just like it sounds. I spend end up meeting with one of the young people and chatting with them, covering some possible specifics and just checking up with their lives. And I have another one tomorrow! I'm excited. And things are looking great here. I've got a couple of groups with some lads starting up soon and hopefully more 1-on-1's. So yeah. I'm pretty active right now.
Beyond that, things are going swell. I actually just got back from a really good weekend away. Every year there is a big Christian festival called Greenbelt which takes place on a race track. There's a lot of speakers, music gigs, and other art-type things which take place. And I got the opportunity to go this year! It was so exciting. And really good/ challenging. There were a lot of really good speakers there that I got to hear. And really challenging. I didn't necessarily agree with everything said, but it was really great to hear new opinions and new views on my faith. To give you a better understanding, many of the people I got to hear might be counted as part of the emerging church or labeled as more liberal in their thinking. And I have to admit, at first I had a hard time getting past the label. Once I did get past my pre-established views and allowed myself to openly hear what they had to say, I really started to appreciate what was said. Yes, I may not agree fully with them, but I still can learn, grow and think about what they have to say. I'd love to share some of it with you, but at this point I'm still processing a lot of it. Maybe if you ask me, I can share with you directly and try and work out what I'm thinking with you. That's always fun.
But the festival itself wasn't the only learning point in my trip. I also had a great learning experience on non-other than the great form of public transportation here commonly called the train. You see, it seems that I don't fully understand how trains work here. I seem to keep always having problems. I missed my first train on the way down. On it's way, it got detoured due to vandalism. Someone apparently took off with some train cables. Props to them for getting them by the by... And on the way back I had the same type of journey. I was all set to go. I got to the bus stop with plenty of time to spare to get to the station. And I happily sat and waited. And waited. And waited. Then, I found out that Monday was a holiday here and the buses didn't come to that stop. Good to know. But, in my frantic searching for a way to the station, a kind soul found me and offered me a ride. So, I jumped in with the guy and took off to the station. And then we got lost on the way. It seems neither of us knew where the station was. In the end, I did miss my train. Again. But I was able to train hop all the way back up to Dundee. What I learned, though, is that I need to become more flexible in how I approach things. I so easily fall into keeping with my set plans that if anything messes with them, I get bent out of shape. At first I was pretty stressed out. But once I missed my train and started thinking of things, I realized something. I was really getting stressed over nothing. Sure, I missed my train. For the second time. But the world wasn't ending. I would make it back to Dundee. And I can have myself a little adventure. And that is something that I think God is trying to get out of my system. I need to learn to be willing to have my schedule interrupted. Yeah, planning is good. But once it dominates how I operate, I'm sunk. I need to be willing to let go of my preconceived ideas and just let things go as they will.
So yeah. That was my big weekend. Lots of new thoughts. And lots of thinking I still have yet to do. And I'm looking forward to the next few weeks. Lots of great youth worky things happening. And I get to take a small holiday at the end of September. It seems that I have been presented by my girlfriend (who is currently in Northern Ireland) with a chance to go with her and a few other friends on a small holiday. They came across some really cheap plane tickets, so we jumped on the chance and are now heading out at the end of the month to none other than....drumroll please..... Paris! Yep, Paris. I'm pretty excited for that. What a great opportunity to do while I'm here. So yeah... excitement for that.
Beyond all that, things are going great. Keep praying all for the continued youth work here at Hot Chocolate. Things are great, but prayer is always good. And keep praying for me. I don't have much of an update on things. Keep praying for my involvement with the youth, especially meaningful times during my 1-on-1's. And also, for continued finances. Things like the festival and Paris do cost money, but God keeps providing funds from the most amazing places for these things. So keep praying that His provision will continue and that all will be provided for.
Anywho, that's me in a nutshell. Hope all is well with you. Drop me a line if you feel like it. I love hearing from everyone back home. It's nice staying posted on what's happening elsewhere. For now, I head off to relax for a wee bit before heading to bed. I'm completely knackered (extremely tired).
Peace all and much love!
Beyond that, things are going swell. I actually just got back from a really good weekend away. Every year there is a big Christian festival called Greenbelt which takes place on a race track. There's a lot of speakers, music gigs, and other art-type things which take place. And I got the opportunity to go this year! It was so exciting. And really good/ challenging. There were a lot of really good speakers there that I got to hear. And really challenging. I didn't necessarily agree with everything said, but it was really great to hear new opinions and new views on my faith. To give you a better understanding, many of the people I got to hear might be counted as part of the emerging church or labeled as more liberal in their thinking. And I have to admit, at first I had a hard time getting past the label. Once I did get past my pre-established views and allowed myself to openly hear what they had to say, I really started to appreciate what was said. Yes, I may not agree fully with them, but I still can learn, grow and think about what they have to say. I'd love to share some of it with you, but at this point I'm still processing a lot of it. Maybe if you ask me, I can share with you directly and try and work out what I'm thinking with you. That's always fun.
But the festival itself wasn't the only learning point in my trip. I also had a great learning experience on non-other than the great form of public transportation here commonly called the train. You see, it seems that I don't fully understand how trains work here. I seem to keep always having problems. I missed my first train on the way down. On it's way, it got detoured due to vandalism. Someone apparently took off with some train cables. Props to them for getting them by the by... And on the way back I had the same type of journey. I was all set to go. I got to the bus stop with plenty of time to spare to get to the station. And I happily sat and waited. And waited. And waited. Then, I found out that Monday was a holiday here and the buses didn't come to that stop. Good to know. But, in my frantic searching for a way to the station, a kind soul found me and offered me a ride. So, I jumped in with the guy and took off to the station. And then we got lost on the way. It seems neither of us knew where the station was. In the end, I did miss my train. Again. But I was able to train hop all the way back up to Dundee. What I learned, though, is that I need to become more flexible in how I approach things. I so easily fall into keeping with my set plans that if anything messes with them, I get bent out of shape. At first I was pretty stressed out. But once I missed my train and started thinking of things, I realized something. I was really getting stressed over nothing. Sure, I missed my train. For the second time. But the world wasn't ending. I would make it back to Dundee. And I can have myself a little adventure. And that is something that I think God is trying to get out of my system. I need to learn to be willing to have my schedule interrupted. Yeah, planning is good. But once it dominates how I operate, I'm sunk. I need to be willing to let go of my preconceived ideas and just let things go as they will.
So yeah. That was my big weekend. Lots of new thoughts. And lots of thinking I still have yet to do. And I'm looking forward to the next few weeks. Lots of great youth worky things happening. And I get to take a small holiday at the end of September. It seems that I have been presented by my girlfriend (who is currently in Northern Ireland) with a chance to go with her and a few other friends on a small holiday. They came across some really cheap plane tickets, so we jumped on the chance and are now heading out at the end of the month to none other than....drumroll please..... Paris! Yep, Paris. I'm pretty excited for that. What a great opportunity to do while I'm here. So yeah... excitement for that.
Beyond all that, things are going great. Keep praying all for the continued youth work here at Hot Chocolate. Things are great, but prayer is always good. And keep praying for me. I don't have much of an update on things. Keep praying for my involvement with the youth, especially meaningful times during my 1-on-1's. And also, for continued finances. Things like the festival and Paris do cost money, but God keeps providing funds from the most amazing places for these things. So keep praying that His provision will continue and that all will be provided for.
Anywho, that's me in a nutshell. Hope all is well with you. Drop me a line if you feel like it. I love hearing from everyone back home. It's nice staying posted on what's happening elsewhere. For now, I head off to relax for a wee bit before heading to bed. I'm completely knackered (extremely tired).
Peace all and much love!
Monday, August 17, 2009
Some Tea and Blogging...
Sorry for the long space in between blogs there. Things have been rather hectic for me. I ended up moving into my flat for the rest of the time here last Monday and getting settled in to my role with Hot Chocolate this week. Also, I had a healing occur... namely, my lappy was brought back from the edge of death. He seemed to catch a wee bit of a virus that was making it impossible to do any work. But, he's been cleaned as now back to full working order. And I was off today, so I decided that I should use this time to do a few things (or lack there of). I was able to relax, though, and just enjoy my day. And I even managed to cook myself some dinner tonight. I was proud of myself, at least. And now, this evening, I thought I should take care of some of the things on my to-do list. Thus, I got a nice cup of tea and am now ready to do a new blog post, just as I promised.
Things here have been going great. As I said, I've moved into a new flat. This is the one I will be staying in for the remainder of my time here in Scotland. It's a pretty nice flat. Spacious, I've got my own room, and it's really close to the Steeple, so I don't have a long walk to get to work each day. And my new flatmate, Ian, seems like a pretty great guy. He's easy going and seems like an easy guy to get along with. So that's encouraging.
Since I didn't really report anything about Exodus, I feel I should give a brief account of that. Exodus went really really well. I got to talk to a lot of young people during those 3 weeks and I've started building some relationships with different people and it's especially good that I'm continuing on for the next few months. I'll get to see these relationships grow over that time, which is an awesome thought. There were a lot of younger and newer peeps coming in, especially over Exodus. So, it's been fun to get to know them. They kinda just assume I've been there awhile, since I'm on the team. So, that's always fun. I'm not the guy coming in on their turf. We are both coming in on equal ground. But I have had some pretty good talks with different individuals, learning about their backgrounds and their current life situation. And just some random stuff. I've had a lot of pool games happening (as in billiards, not swimming pool...) and I even had a guy take the time to try and teach me to properly play football (soccer). After 12 years of playing, I still have a lot to learn, apparently...
Also, over Exodus, I made some pretty good friends out of the flatmates I had. I will admit, I was pretty sad to see us go our separate ways. But, it's all good. One of them is volunteering once a week with H.C. Another is coming back in September and working through December. And I actually get to see the final guy at the end of the month. Which brings up another subject. I get to go to a big Christian festival at the end of the month for about 4 days. I'm heading about 7 hours south and camping out at a racing track and spending the days going to different speaking sessions, music gigs, and a whole bunch of things. It is sounding pretty spectacular. And it sounds like all four of the flatmates from Exodus will be there... hopefully. So it will be reunite-fest 99! I'm pretty stoked for it, at least. And that's what counts, right?
As for here in Dundee, this week was good in that I've gained a wee bit of an idea of what I will be doing over the next 5 months. Of course, I will be working the open sessions each week. An open session is basically like it sounds. We open up the Steeple and the young people can stop by and get some tea/ coffee, use the music room, chat, or just relax. These are on Tuesday and Wednesday night and Saturday afternoon. We have also just taken on a new group of student volunteers, which consists of some of the young people who are taking on a bit more responsibility and helping with the sessions. The plan right now is that I will be involved with some smaller group stuff with some of these guys and some one-on-one sessions with them. That at least is the basic idea of what I will be doing. And of course, whatever else needs done I will be doing.
One of the main things I have learning right now is just how faithful God is when He says He will take care of and provide for you. As many of you know, this whole trip has been one step of faith after another, and the result has been things falling into place so nicely. And this week has continued to be just like that. One such example is with my homesickness. I haven't really had much of it since I've been here. At least I haven't had a complete breakdown where I completely miss home. But there are times where I can feel the pangs of missing home. This week really has been when those pangs have started up. And I think that's just because of a combination of factors. One, the flatmates that I had become rather close to over Exodus were all leaving to go home. That basic foundation of relationship and friendship was changed on me. And I realized this week, during some looking at the dates, that people are beginning to head back to HU now. But this year, I won't be there for all the fun activities and moving in and what not. So that caused a moment of sadness. But every time this moment of sadness wants to creep in, God steps up and encourages me in ways I don't even expect. It's either having someone who, out of the blue, asks me to lunch or is willing to hang out for the night or talks of getting together in the future to hang out. Every time that happens, God just steps in and subtly reminds me that yes, this is where I'm to be at this point of time and that He is taking care of me. And that is comforting. Another story along these same lines... I spent some time looking at my budgeting for my time here, just to see where I'm at. I will admit, I left home with less than I was hoping to have, so I was a little worried about what I would find. After doing some math work and taking into account the rent I will be paying, I was amazed to find that I almost have enough, even with being below my original estimates. And it was just amazing to look at that and see how God has and continues to provide. In the most amazing and unexpected ways, He seems to bring in just enough to get me through. So, again, I just praise Him for how faithful He has remained. And it encourages me for the future. I honestly have to admit that right now my future is a pretty blank slate. I don't have too much of an idea where I'll end up and what I'll be doing, be it a year in advance or even a week in advance. Shoot, most of my days start off with me not fully sure what the day will bring. But that's the wonder I'm finding in living and working here. It has truly taught me to rely on Him and to just trust that He will continue to place me directly where He wants me. It for sure can be a whirlwind of a ride. It's kinda like being in a heavy snow shower... you can't see but a few feet in front of you. But I just keep walking along the path laid out before me, trusting that He will continue to guide each of my steps. I just have to stretch out my leg, one step at a time.
Anywho, I suppose that's enough from me for now. I hope that catches you up with what's going on here in my life. It's been a great past month (man, a month already...) and I'm excited to see what the next few months will bring.
Some things to pray for:
-living with Ian, that we continue to get along and that we don't get on each others nerves after a month or something
-continued development of relationships here, both with the young people and with others in just a social sense
-along with that, that any homesickness and loneliness is just pushed aside
-the work at the Steeple, that lives continue to be impacted
-finances for me, God has been providing wondrously and that He continues to bring in the money for where and when I need it
Much love from Scotland, all!
Cheers
Things here have been going great. As I said, I've moved into a new flat. This is the one I will be staying in for the remainder of my time here in Scotland. It's a pretty nice flat. Spacious, I've got my own room, and it's really close to the Steeple, so I don't have a long walk to get to work each day. And my new flatmate, Ian, seems like a pretty great guy. He's easy going and seems like an easy guy to get along with. So that's encouraging.
Since I didn't really report anything about Exodus, I feel I should give a brief account of that. Exodus went really really well. I got to talk to a lot of young people during those 3 weeks and I've started building some relationships with different people and it's especially good that I'm continuing on for the next few months. I'll get to see these relationships grow over that time, which is an awesome thought. There were a lot of younger and newer peeps coming in, especially over Exodus. So, it's been fun to get to know them. They kinda just assume I've been there awhile, since I'm on the team. So, that's always fun. I'm not the guy coming in on their turf. We are both coming in on equal ground. But I have had some pretty good talks with different individuals, learning about their backgrounds and their current life situation. And just some random stuff. I've had a lot of pool games happening (as in billiards, not swimming pool...) and I even had a guy take the time to try and teach me to properly play football (soccer). After 12 years of playing, I still have a lot to learn, apparently...
Also, over Exodus, I made some pretty good friends out of the flatmates I had. I will admit, I was pretty sad to see us go our separate ways. But, it's all good. One of them is volunteering once a week with H.C. Another is coming back in September and working through December. And I actually get to see the final guy at the end of the month. Which brings up another subject. I get to go to a big Christian festival at the end of the month for about 4 days. I'm heading about 7 hours south and camping out at a racing track and spending the days going to different speaking sessions, music gigs, and a whole bunch of things. It is sounding pretty spectacular. And it sounds like all four of the flatmates from Exodus will be there... hopefully. So it will be reunite-fest 99! I'm pretty stoked for it, at least. And that's what counts, right?
As for here in Dundee, this week was good in that I've gained a wee bit of an idea of what I will be doing over the next 5 months. Of course, I will be working the open sessions each week. An open session is basically like it sounds. We open up the Steeple and the young people can stop by and get some tea/ coffee, use the music room, chat, or just relax. These are on Tuesday and Wednesday night and Saturday afternoon. We have also just taken on a new group of student volunteers, which consists of some of the young people who are taking on a bit more responsibility and helping with the sessions. The plan right now is that I will be involved with some smaller group stuff with some of these guys and some one-on-one sessions with them. That at least is the basic idea of what I will be doing. And of course, whatever else needs done I will be doing.
One of the main things I have learning right now is just how faithful God is when He says He will take care of and provide for you. As many of you know, this whole trip has been one step of faith after another, and the result has been things falling into place so nicely. And this week has continued to be just like that. One such example is with my homesickness. I haven't really had much of it since I've been here. At least I haven't had a complete breakdown where I completely miss home. But there are times where I can feel the pangs of missing home. This week really has been when those pangs have started up. And I think that's just because of a combination of factors. One, the flatmates that I had become rather close to over Exodus were all leaving to go home. That basic foundation of relationship and friendship was changed on me. And I realized this week, during some looking at the dates, that people are beginning to head back to HU now. But this year, I won't be there for all the fun activities and moving in and what not. So that caused a moment of sadness. But every time this moment of sadness wants to creep in, God steps up and encourages me in ways I don't even expect. It's either having someone who, out of the blue, asks me to lunch or is willing to hang out for the night or talks of getting together in the future to hang out. Every time that happens, God just steps in and subtly reminds me that yes, this is where I'm to be at this point of time and that He is taking care of me. And that is comforting. Another story along these same lines... I spent some time looking at my budgeting for my time here, just to see where I'm at. I will admit, I left home with less than I was hoping to have, so I was a little worried about what I would find. After doing some math work and taking into account the rent I will be paying, I was amazed to find that I almost have enough, even with being below my original estimates. And it was just amazing to look at that and see how God has and continues to provide. In the most amazing and unexpected ways, He seems to bring in just enough to get me through. So, again, I just praise Him for how faithful He has remained. And it encourages me for the future. I honestly have to admit that right now my future is a pretty blank slate. I don't have too much of an idea where I'll end up and what I'll be doing, be it a year in advance or even a week in advance. Shoot, most of my days start off with me not fully sure what the day will bring. But that's the wonder I'm finding in living and working here. It has truly taught me to rely on Him and to just trust that He will continue to place me directly where He wants me. It for sure can be a whirlwind of a ride. It's kinda like being in a heavy snow shower... you can't see but a few feet in front of you. But I just keep walking along the path laid out before me, trusting that He will continue to guide each of my steps. I just have to stretch out my leg, one step at a time.
Anywho, I suppose that's enough from me for now. I hope that catches you up with what's going on here in my life. It's been a great past month (man, a month already...) and I'm excited to see what the next few months will bring.
Some things to pray for:
-living with Ian, that we continue to get along and that we don't get on each others nerves after a month or something
-continued development of relationships here, both with the young people and with others in just a social sense
-along with that, that any homesickness and loneliness is just pushed aside
-the work at the Steeple, that lives continue to be impacted
-finances for me, God has been providing wondrously and that He continues to bring in the money for where and when I need it
Much love from Scotland, all!
Cheers
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Freedom of Dependancy
Well, things seem to be going well here in Dundee. Exodus is going swimmingly, even though our plans are regularly struck down by the circumstances we find ourselves in. But that is the nature of the ministry, I suppose. But things are going great. I am getting used to the city, which is nice. I am feeling like I know my way around and get from one place to another. This probably means I'll be getting dropped in the middle of some place I haven't been yet and I'll have to find my way home again. For now, though, I am good.
Exodus, though, is going good. I have met lots of people and am slowly building relationships with them. I am still feeling wishing for more meaningful conversations, though. But, they will come. I am still getting used to this place. I mean, shoot, I have only been here for 2 1/2 weeks. I'm still adjusting. I am also told that there are many new faces being seen at the Steeple (where Hot Chocolate is located). This of course means these groups are bit more closed off to talking with volunteers. But it is exciting to have them there and to begin seeing them regularly.
Oh man.... I think I'll share this with you. Tonight has been a pleasant night. As I do some writing/ journaling, I have some great tunes playing. Things such as Josh Garrels, Iron and Wine, The Weepies, Over the Rhine and even Kyle Scott (friend of Beth's). It has been a good thing.
I feel that I am beginning to get a bit of insight into myself with the ministry happening here. I suppose that's a good thing, since that's one of the points of prime... But I am beginning to see how independent I have become. I feel like I haven't been really connecting with the young people, so I've been getting frustrated with my efforts. And that's when it hit me, like a 2x4 right between the eyes. It has been my efforts. I have been the one trying to connect and strike up conversations. Yet, especially in the nature of this relationship based ministry, I cannot do this myself. I need to let God be the one in complete control of all that I do. I need to learn to become even more flexible and attuned to the Spirit. His guiding will be what creates the connections here, not the efforts in my own strength. I need to become more dependent on He who is stronger.
Now, the thing is, this is easier said than done. There's a lot that needs to get worked out of my system. I like to be in control of myself. But I can't do that here. I need to be reliant on those around me and even more so with Him. So there's my kinda work-in-progress with myself. But seeing growth and being able to work towards it now is good. And it's encouraging because I am working in a place of hope and change. Yes, there is a great hardness in the people we work with. But there is also a great hope to be found and change is constantly happening. I just need to remember that I too need to be changing and growing. It does seem like by choosing to become dependent I will be giving away my freedom. But, I'm learning that independence may not always be the best thing. True freedom can be found when I have made myself dependent on God. And that is a freedom worth striving for.
For now, some prayer requests from me are:
-Exodus. things are going great. pray that they continue.
-continued growth and a willingness to change on my part.
-housing. i'm meeting my two possible flatmates this coming weekend. pray for wisdom and clarity on which place will be best for me.
-finances.
Much love, all.
Cheers!
Exodus, though, is going good. I have met lots of people and am slowly building relationships with them. I am still feeling wishing for more meaningful conversations, though. But, they will come. I am still getting used to this place. I mean, shoot, I have only been here for 2 1/2 weeks. I'm still adjusting. I am also told that there are many new faces being seen at the Steeple (where Hot Chocolate is located). This of course means these groups are bit more closed off to talking with volunteers. But it is exciting to have them there and to begin seeing them regularly.
Oh man.... I think I'll share this with you. Tonight has been a pleasant night. As I do some writing/ journaling, I have some great tunes playing. Things such as Josh Garrels, Iron and Wine, The Weepies, Over the Rhine and even Kyle Scott (friend of Beth's). It has been a good thing.
I feel that I am beginning to get a bit of insight into myself with the ministry happening here. I suppose that's a good thing, since that's one of the points of prime... But I am beginning to see how independent I have become. I feel like I haven't been really connecting with the young people, so I've been getting frustrated with my efforts. And that's when it hit me, like a 2x4 right between the eyes. It has been my efforts. I have been the one trying to connect and strike up conversations. Yet, especially in the nature of this relationship based ministry, I cannot do this myself. I need to let God be the one in complete control of all that I do. I need to learn to become even more flexible and attuned to the Spirit. His guiding will be what creates the connections here, not the efforts in my own strength. I need to become more dependent on He who is stronger.
Now, the thing is, this is easier said than done. There's a lot that needs to get worked out of my system. I like to be in control of myself. But I can't do that here. I need to be reliant on those around me and even more so with Him. So there's my kinda work-in-progress with myself. But seeing growth and being able to work towards it now is good. And it's encouraging because I am working in a place of hope and change. Yes, there is a great hardness in the people we work with. But there is also a great hope to be found and change is constantly happening. I just need to remember that I too need to be changing and growing. It does seem like by choosing to become dependent I will be giving away my freedom. But, I'm learning that independence may not always be the best thing. True freedom can be found when I have made myself dependent on God. And that is a freedom worth striving for.
For now, some prayer requests from me are:
-Exodus. things are going great. pray that they continue.
-continued growth and a willingness to change on my part.
-housing. i'm meeting my two possible flatmates this coming weekend. pray for wisdom and clarity on which place will be best for me.
-finances.
Much love, all.
Cheers!
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