Stars

During this time of year, it becomes a very traditional past time to spend time with those you love. These people can be your family, friends, significant others. The point is, this is a time when you connect with them and share that binding love which you share. You may have not seen them for the past few months, but as the weather begins to get colder and the sunlight a bit less each day, there's this sense in the air that the holidays are coming. No matter where your stance is about this time of the year, it is hard to deny the fact that there are distinct feelings which arise from the depths of our hearts, much like the proverbial Christmas lights from the depths of the attic.

One of the things which has struck me, though, is how I am not going to have that this year. It's quite hard to saunter on over to see my family or friends when there is a sizable puddle to jump in the process. And that is when it really sinks in. I'm far away, disconnected from that which I have grown up with and called home. At times, I feel like all of those things which I have grown to take as the norm are a world away. I'm simply far removed and disconnected. This is especially true with Thanksgiving past and Christmas to come. These holidays, which are times of gathering to see family, are going to be spent quite different than normal for me.

Yet, on a nice brisk evening walk I took tonight, I discovered something. Yes, I am in a different world, if you will. I'm almost half a world away from the fields of Indiana. I'm in a culture that is different from my previous experiences. There are so many new and wonderful things for me to experience and learn. And I am learning that home is not so far away.
Looking up into the clear, black sky, I saw these twinkling lights off in the distance. We see them regularly throughout our lives, shining away throughout the night. They have become such a commonplace thing that many times they can be overlooked. But I realized something. As I looked up, gazing at the stars in the sky, I began to pick out the constellations that I knew. And it dawned on me... these are the exact same stars that I saw back home. And for most of you, as you step outside at night and gaze upward, you will see those same twinkling lights. And that's a comforting thought. Yes, we may seem worlds apart. This holiday season, you may be finding yourself in the same circumstances as myself, spending it away from that which you see as normal. Yet, we really are not that far apart. And every place we find ourselves journeying through is just another extent of our family. God has made us each unique, each creating our own piece of music through our traditions and cultures. When they come together, though, a great symphony can be heard.

So, I realized, on my nice peaceful walk home tonight, that home, just like the stars, can be seen everywhere. No matter our circumstances or life conditions right now, home is where you make it. Feel encouraged, knowing that when you are thought of and missed, then you are there in that place in spirit. And when you start to feel alone in this world, take time to gaze up at those stars shining all around and realize, we are all within a mile of home.

Entering the Final Lap

Well, all... first off I apologize for the delay between writings. I seemed to have gotten a bit distracted as of late and haven't taken the time to sit down and write. Oops.

Things here are proceeding very nicely. It's been really amazing to see how the relationships I've been working at have grown and developed into what they are now. I now feel that the young people are open to me and willing to talk, which is really amazing. Looking ahead, I'm going to be really sad to go and leave these relationships.

Which kind of brings up the thing which has been on my heart as of late. It has really set in that I have reached my two months left here. My time right now in Dundee is drawing to a close. And this time will be going so fast. I have the rest of November, the first few weeks in December and then some time for the holidays will arrive. During that time, my family will be coming for a visit. Yes, that is right... Waterman family reunion here in Scotland. But right after they leave I will have to start preparing myself to leave. And that seems to create a rather odd mix of feelings in myself. I am very much so missing home, but I am also sad to see my time here draw to a close. With that, my mind has already started to wander down the path of preparing to head home and what all that will entail. Although there is some planning which will need done, I still cannot allow myself to dwell there. I must remain fully and completely immersed in what I am doing here.

I suppose this is a lesson in what it means to make sacrifices. Yes, I would love to be home, with my family and my friends right now. But that is not possible. And I need to accept that. For the time being I am here. And I am seeing amazing things taking place in my time here. I have had so many different lessons over these past few months. I've had numerous relationships built up. I have seen so many amazing things in my time here. And I still have 2 months left. That is incredibly exciting for me. There is still so much potential for what can happen here. So, I suppose my lesson at this time is not to dwell on what I am missing. Instead, I need to focus on what it is I am getting to experience. That's the big difference in how I feel, huh? God has placed me here for the time being. I can only continue to give myself over to Him and let Him lead as He wills. Soon enough I will be home again. For the time being, though, I will be making my home here in Dundee.

Step Up and Step Out

Man, as I sit here I realize that things sure are flying by swiftly. If feels just like yesterday that I was starting October. Now here I am getting ready to finish the month off. But it's been a good month. Things have been going well at Hot Chocolate. I'm really starting to mesh in with the young people there. This past weekend we had the Weekend Away, where we went up north into the absolutely stunning countryside of Scotland and spent some time with some of the young people. It was a really really good weekend where a lot of growth and relationship building seemed to take place. Now I am back in good ole D-town.

The past few weeks have been filled with much growth in my own personal character. I've had a chance to really stand back at myself and look at who I am. And I've really come to pick up on a trait that I feel like needed some work. This attribute was confidence. Having taken the time to look at myself, I've come to realize that I am not the most confident of people. I allow myself to give in and let things pass because I don't want to damage a relationship or risk confrontation. I know... not the best way to handle things, but it was something that I found to exist in myself.

Realizing this, I have worked to grow my level of confidence in myself and my abilities. And I've come to learn something. Confidence is a key component in leadership. How can people have faith in and follow you if you can't even have faith in yourself? Granted some of us are leaders right now, while others find themselves in less prominent positions of leaderships. This might cause some of you to think, "Good idea, but it's not something I need to hear or develop." But my challenge to you is to grow as I am growing. Confidence goes beyond just positions of leadership. We need to have faith in ourselves. Even when we preform the most rudimentary tasks, we need to have confidence in our own abilities. Having this confidence can make all the difference between standing up and living life to the full and sitting by and letting the world pass you by.

Christ has called us to life. I believe this life includes stepping out and really living it, experiencing all the wonder and beauty He has placed around us. I don't mean to be coming across here as "go out and live life to the full... eat, drink and be merry" type of way. What I mean to say is we have been called to life. Unless we are confident in ourselves, we will end up sitting back and letting life pass us by simply because we don't have the confidence in ourselves to step out and live. We must be willing to tread the path less traveled. We must be confident that no matter if we fail or soar, we will strike out and try new things. We must be willing to sacrifice that thing called pride in order to meet those in need around us. These are lessons that I am most assuredly still learning. But as I learn and grow in my confidence, I am learning that it does indeed lead to a much more fulfilling life. So, try it out for yourself. Fear not in failure or awkwardness. As I've learned from a girl I work with, if you don't overcome your fears and just do it, then you're going to look back and regret it for the rest of your life.

So, step out my friends. Encounter the world. And be confident in yourself. I believe in you.

The Simple Pleasures...

So, I've come to realize something recently. Life can be really complicated. There can be so much junk going on that your mind just gets clogged, your energy is zapped and life just seems to keep trudging on at an even pace. Mind you, I haven't yet reached the stage of trudging through life, but I will admit that things have been giving me lots to think about. This past week has been crazy with stuff happening, both at Hot Chocolate and just personally. And I realized something. I've allowed that spark of joy inside of me to fade just a wee bit. And if that spark completely goes out, well... I guess I'm just trudging along through life then, eh?

How did I come to realize this? Well, it's odd, but I'd have to say I didn't realize it was gone until I had it back. And how did I find my joy again? Well, it's kinda weird, but it fits me I suppose. It's been rediscovered through the joy of simple things. I find that many times I make life so stinkin complicated. I just start to think way too much about things, and thus start to worry and become cynical. And please, don't get me wrong, thinking and processing thoughts is great and necessary. That's not what I'm saying. My problem was I have been starting to tense up and worry about my performance here. And that was leading to just worrying about stuff all the time.

But this past Monday reminded me... it's good to forget about that stress and worry and simply remember the things that make you smile. And a lot of those smiles came through thinking of the simple childhood like things. Things that strip away the walls and barriers I've set up and just cut straight to that innocent core inside. I realized that many times I don't want to let my guard down because someone might see who I really am. What if they think I'm incapable of whatever or they think I'm weird? But, then I realized... the most fun in life seems to come when I let go of all of that and enjoy the simple, little joys of life. Such as singing to myself. Or imagining I'm a Jedi with automatic doors. It's a small reminder that life is good... and it should be enjoyed. I know, it's not profound or anything. But I find it's true. Those little joys are a great refresher to an otherwise overbearing world.

So, I challenge you now as I challenge myself. Don't worry about what others will think. Don't keep those barriers in place so that the kid inside will never get out. Instead, enjoy your life. Build a tent fort. Hum the theme to Winnie the Pooh. As you walk, imagine what it would be like if everyone was a Jedi and carried a lightsaber. Think about what you would do if you could have a pet dinosaur. I don't care. Just enjoy the simple things of life. I find at least for myself that's what makes life so fulfilling.

A Prayer of a Ben

Sacrifice. That seems to be Your word for the day. i have grown up hearing about sacrifice. "Give all that you have over to God. When you do, you will find joy and happiness. Life will be so much better." Well, i'm facing sacrifice in different areas of my life, and i'm finding myself wondering what good could come from giving all. Cause it sure hurts to let go. Especially when You seem to pick those things which mean so much. You have such a great habit of choosing that which i hold so dear.

i feel that i've let go of so much for You. i've abandoned myself to follow You and let You guide my life. i've put my trust in You and walked by faith, looking to you for provision. i've left home and family due to Your guiding. and now i'm facing even more sacrifice because of Your calling. And i just want to yell out, "Why!?" Why do You ask for so much? Why are You so persistent in chasing down everything i grow attached to and asking for it?

But then, i calm down and seek for Your peace. And i hear that still small whisper of Yours. After i've thrown my fists and did my shouting, You then speak up. You say You know the pain. You say You know how hard this can be. But then You ask that i just continue to trust You, and to continue to give myself over to You. You're in control, You know what You're doing. And You won't abandon me. No matter what, You remain. i mean, shoot, once all is given up, You're the only thing left, aren't You? And maybe that's what i need right now. Just to find myself in Your presence. i've forgotten You, and now need to find You once more.

So speak, Lord God. Speak, Father, into my current circumstances. Be my guiding light and let Your Spirit be my guide. Teach me, mold me and leave me changed. You gave Your all for me. Now i need to be willing to do the same. So i sacrifice myself once more, throwing myself down at Your feet. Let Your will be done once more.

i love You.

Looking to Jesus

So, tonight I had a learning moment happen which I just wanted to share with you all. After work today, I was going along my normal routine of heading out of the Steeple and walking home. I had my hood up so as to attempt to stay dry as the nice steady rains of Scotland streamed down onto the ground. On my way, though, I passed someone sitting along the side of a store front. Upon looking to her, I realized it was one of the girls from Hot Chocolate. I had talked to her recently, so I thought I'd strike up a wee bit of conversation with her.

Now, please note this was after a full day of working and actually having a group session with some... harder guys. So, I was pretty tired at this point of time. But I stopped anyway and started talking to this girl. She told me that she was waiting on some of her mates to show up, but they were late. After a second of thinking, I realized I didn't have anything better to do so I offered to sit with her and wait. So, I pulled up some pavement and took a seat with her. And we just got to talk. And we talked about a lot of things; ranging from comedians to places in America that she wanted to visit. It was generally a really good chat. Throughout it some other friends of hers showed up and chatted for a bit while smoking a cig for a wee bit. And later on some other people from the Steeple stopped by and joined us for a bit. But I just sat there, in the cold while it the rain and smell of nicotine floated around us, for about an hour. And it was great.

Please don't think I'm just trying to toot my own horn here. I'm not. But this little event led to some great thinking as I left for home. While sitting there talking, I was able to watch people walk by us. And to the rest of the crowd, we seemed to mean nothing. We were a group of young people sitting around. Some just didn't pay us any mind. Others purposefully ignored us. No matter the reaction, one thing was certain. We had gained a stereotype. We were youth. Out for a good time. Most likely we shouldn't be trusted, or at least paid attention to. But sitting there, just chatting with them, I realized I was doing the exact thing Jesus would be doing.

He sought to break the social norms of the current culture. Many of the religious leaders of the time didn't want anything to do with those "heathens", "sinners" and "unclean" people. They were comfortable to stay where they had always been. Yet Christ fought this. He went to the need. He talked to those that society passed over or didn't trust. He entered into their world and met them on the same level. He did life with them. Sitting there on the pavement, it just hit me. I'm sitting here hanging with some of the people that the current culture (and especially the church) would view as rebellious and troublesome. And I was happy and at peace with them. I was doing the exact same act that my Lord would be doing. Just sharing life and love through action.

Like I said, this was just a really cool little revelation I had. Nothing big. And please don't think I'm trying to pump myself up. It was a really cool thought and experience that I had. I just wanted to share it with you all. And to challenge you as I challenge myself. Don't look at the social tags being put on people. Instead, look past that outer facade and look to the person inside the cultural stereotype. It's then that we can start seeing everyone as Christ sees them.

Peace.

Terror on the Trains

I feel a nice orange color is in order here. Sorry all for my lack of blogging recently. It seems I feel behind a wee bit. Things are starting to get nice and busy here. Things are really picking up here at Hot Chocolate. The youth work side of things is getting nice and active, which makes me happy. In fact, last week I had my first 1-on-1 session, which is really really exciting. A 1-on-1 is just like it sounds. I spend end up meeting with one of the young people and chatting with them, covering some possible specifics and just checking up with their lives. And I have another one tomorrow! I'm excited. And things are looking great here. I've got a couple of groups with some lads starting up soon and hopefully more 1-on-1's. So yeah. I'm pretty active right now.

Beyond that, things are going swell. I actually just got back from a really good weekend away. Every year there is a big Christian festival called Greenbelt which takes place on a race track. There's a lot of speakers, music gigs, and other art-type things which take place. And I got the opportunity to go this year! It was so exciting. And really good/ challenging. There were a lot of really good speakers there that I got to hear. And really challenging. I didn't necessarily agree with everything said, but it was really great to hear new opinions and new views on my faith. To give you a better understanding, many of the people I got to hear might be counted as part of the emerging church or labeled as more liberal in their thinking. And I have to admit, at first I had a hard time getting past the label. Once I did get past my pre-established views and allowed myself to openly hear what they had to say, I really started to appreciate what was said. Yes, I may not agree fully with them, but I still can learn, grow and think about what they have to say. I'd love to share some of it with you, but at this point I'm still processing a lot of it. Maybe if you ask me, I can share with you directly and try and work out what I'm thinking with you. That's always fun.

But the festival itself wasn't the only learning point in my trip. I also had a great learning experience on non-other than the great form of public transportation here commonly called the train. You see, it seems that I don't fully understand how trains work here. I seem to keep always having problems. I missed my first train on the way down. On it's way, it got detoured due to vandalism. Someone apparently took off with some train cables. Props to them for getting them by the by... And on the way back I had the same type of journey. I was all set to go. I got to the bus stop with plenty of time to spare to get to the station. And I happily sat and waited. And waited. And waited. Then, I found out that Monday was a holiday here and the buses didn't come to that stop. Good to know. But, in my frantic searching for a way to the station, a kind soul found me and offered me a ride. So, I jumped in with the guy and took off to the station. And then we got lost on the way. It seems neither of us knew where the station was. In the end, I did miss my train. Again. But I was able to train hop all the way back up to Dundee. What I learned, though, is that I need to become more flexible in how I approach things. I so easily fall into keeping with my set plans that if anything messes with them, I get bent out of shape. At first I was pretty stressed out. But once I missed my train and started thinking of things, I realized something. I was really getting stressed over nothing. Sure, I missed my train. For the second time. But the world wasn't ending. I would make it back to Dundee. And I can have myself a little adventure. And that is something that I think God is trying to get out of my system. I need to learn to be willing to have my schedule interrupted. Yeah, planning is good. But once it dominates how I operate, I'm sunk. I need to be willing to let go of my preconceived ideas and just let things go as they will.

So yeah. That was my big weekend. Lots of new thoughts. And lots of thinking I still have yet to do. And I'm looking forward to the next few weeks. Lots of great youth worky things happening. And I get to take a small holiday at the end of September. It seems that I have been presented by my girlfriend (who is currently in Northern Ireland) with a chance to go with her and a few other friends on a small holiday. They came across some really cheap plane tickets, so we jumped on the chance and are now heading out at the end of the month to none other than....drumroll please..... Paris! Yep, Paris. I'm pretty excited for that. What a great opportunity to do while I'm here. So yeah... excitement for that.

Beyond all that, things are going great. Keep praying all for the continued youth work here at Hot Chocolate. Things are great, but prayer is always good. And keep praying for me. I don't have much of an update on things. Keep praying for my involvement with the youth, especially meaningful times during my 1-on-1's. And also, for continued finances. Things like the festival and Paris do cost money, but God keeps providing funds from the most amazing places for these things. So keep praying that His provision will continue and that all will be provided for.

Anywho, that's me in a nutshell. Hope all is well with you. Drop me a line if you feel like it. I love hearing from everyone back home. It's nice staying posted on what's happening elsewhere. For now, I head off to relax for a wee bit before heading to bed. I'm completely knackered (extremely tired).

Peace all and much love!